The Missing

It usually takes about a week to make it happen. The texts are long, full of options:
What about Saturday, 3pm my time?
Thursday after 7?
I babysit then ... Wednesday??

I think about my schedule...I'll rush home from the gym, help mom with dinner, and get on the computer. No wait, maybe i'll get up early and talk in the AM because it's 9:30 her time and 6:30 my time. that could work, right? Can i get myself out of bed that early?? Probably not. Dang it. AH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A CONVERSATION WITHOUT A WEEK OF PLANNING?! I think to myself

And when I finally see her face I'm so happy. We talk about jobs and living with our siblings again or finding a new home in a big city. she says things that totally resonate with me and what I'm feeling and makes me laugh because of her unique and witty humor.

But when we hang up I feel a sense of loss. We only had an hour and in that time we didn't get to talk about the time last week when I read a section of a book that made me think of her. We didn't have time to stop by each other's apartments mid-day in our leggings on a friday afternoon, eagerly awaiting the weekend. We didn't have time to vent (usually that would be me) about school and ridiculously long essays to write and obnoxious people in the library flirting while I'm trying to study.

When I call a different country, Costa Rica, I usually pause for a minute "Should I do it? How bad is my Spanish today?" I open up my journal from abroad and find the number that I wrote on the front page: 506.
The international area code is 506. I press dial. And wait.

It rings and I get so nervous. There's an answer on the other line and I say "Hola, es Alisa" and then the conversation comes. They say my name like they always did, I talk with Papi about food and making coffee and they ask for me to come back.

We remember you, Alisa, he says. And a piece inside of me starts to ache.

And then I miss. And I remember. And I smile. And I feel sad and happy all at once.

I smile because it was good -- our time together. I smile because we can still be together across many thousands of miles. I smile because my Tica family says my name differently and it makes me feel like I'm there with them.

And I feel sad because I want to be drinking coffee with them in Costa Rica. I want to be laughing at Papi's jokes again and making silly Spanish mistakes. I want to be in Maryland or Massachusetts or wherever you are.... drinking wine on the floor of one of my best friend's bed room, talking about life and transitions and all these unknowns. I want to be laughing with them as we reminisce about freshman year 8am philosophy where we wrote notes to each other to stay awake and cursed over 8 page essays about "epistomology." I want to be sitting on the couch on the second floor of Tavilla again laughing so hard at that story you told me about when you were in Africa. I want to watch my papi's face when he laughs, I want to eat gallo pinto again.

I miss.

We miss because we love, right? We miss because we were loved by people and places -- and when we leave them, it hurts a little (and sometimes it hurts a lot). We miss, too, because we got to love them back. We were given the opportunity to love the people and places in front of us...the car rides to school when the sunlight perfectly hit the hills of Costa Rica, the runs through the woods on a snowy afternoon in Wenham, the conversations over lattes at Atomic Cafe, the laughter on a long walk home from Spanish class. And we continue to love...just this time from a greater distance.

So, right now, I'll miss and remember. And I'll be thankful for those gifts.

blessings in words

These words blessed me this week:

from my friend Hilary -- about making room for our own stories instead of trying to make them reflect another's:

"It must be that this is part of the way we learn about ourselves: that we release the dreams of who we might be, free ourselves of the clinging hope of someone else’s beautiful self. We let the character we wanted to play float out the window under a Colorado sky, and we buy a cowboy hat and hug our brothers, and let our sister braid our non-effortless hair in two French braids when she asks."

from NT Wright -- about the women-as-bishops controversy, gender reconciliation, and the power of the resurrection:

"All Christian ministry begins with the announcement that Jesus has been raised from the dead. And Jesus entrusted that task, first of all, not to Peter, James, or John, but to Mary Magdalene. Part of the point of the new creation launched at Easter was the transformation of roles and vocations: from Jews-only to worldwide, from monoglot to multilingual (think of Pentecost), and from male-only leadership to male and female together."

from Isaiah 9:2-7, NLT -- about darkness and light, hope, and release from oppression:

"The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine. You will enlarge the nation of Israel, and its people will rejoice. The will rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest and like warriors dividing the plunder. For you will break the yoke of their slavery and lift the heavy burden from their shoulders. You will break the oppressor's rod, just as you did when you destroyed the army of Midian. The boots of the warrior and the uniforms bloodstained by war will all be burned. They will be fuel for the fire. For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government wand its peace will never end. he will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity."

from "I heard the Bells on Christmas Day" performed by Casting Crowns -- about peace on earth, God's dwelling on earth, and "right prevailing":

Then rang the bells more loud and deep

God is not dead, nor doth He sleep 

(Peace on earth, peace on earth) 

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail 

With peace on earth, goodwill to men 

Then ringing singing on its way 

The world revolved from night to day 

A voice, a chime, a chant sublime 

Of peace on earth, goodwill to men  

And the bells, they're ringing 

Like a choir they're singing 

And with our hearts we'll hear them 

Peace on earth, goodwill to men

Happy December!

[Boston, MA]

On Learning to Listen

I love spending time with my grandparents. I love letter writing to my grandma up in Oregon and drinking lattes with my Grandma in Orange County and watching my Grandpa laugh at Kelsey's jokes. They're really special people. They make me laugh and smile and have a way about about them that's different than anyone else I know. 

We spent Thanksgiving with my grandparents in Orange County this past week and I had a conversation with my grandpa that really struck me and continues to be on my heart and mind.

Grandpa and I were in the kitchen, or somewhere else in the house, and he looked at me and told me about his conversation with a colleague earlier that morning. He said:

"I realized as I was talking to her how differently she is thinking about this situation. Her perspective is different from mine. I wish, Alyssa, that we could have talked during the election because it's interesting to hear from people who think differently from me."

My grandfather is in his 80s. How many 80-somethings do you know who would say something like this to their granddaughter? My grandfather is very well-educated not only academically, but as a father, mentor, business leader and advisor. He's done a lot of cool things and met some awesome people and has great stories to prove it. And for some reason, he wanted to know what this young and inexperienced 22-year-old thought.

Wow.

I think the idea of elephant ears is usually attached to eavesdropping....but I'm changing it because I love elephants and I think their ears are cute and huge which is a perfect illustration. I'm inspired this week to have elephant ears like my grandpa does. Ears that are big and want to listen earnestly. Ears that want to be taught by those who think differently.

I think my age group and my grandpa's age group might have the hardest time listening. When you're in your 80s you've held many jobs and voted in countless elections and seen or fought in wars. You've watched a lot of babies grow up and you've been to a lot of funerals too. You've shared a lot of joy and endured great heartache. You've seen a lot and learned a lot and you're pretty content with that knowledge quota.

And us early 20-year-olds? We're a bit smart-assy. We just graduated college and studied abroad and took classes about world development and gender issues and political systems. We lived on our own and made good and bad choices and endured the consequences. We get it and we're ready to conquer the world - no more listening required.

My grandpa has seen a lot. But he's still eager to listen.
And I want to follow in that example of seeking to listen and learn from others who are different from me - others who are older than me or who voted very differently than I did. That's so much easier said than done...sometimes that listening involves patience through long ramblings, sometimes it involves ideas that I find completely crazy, and sometimes it involves a lot of courage, especially when those ideas sound a bit strange and scary.

I'm so thankful for my grandpa's big listening ears and I hope that I learn to hear in the same way.

Suitcases

There's a box inside my parents' garage that houses our camping gear and all of our suitcases. I have become very accustomed to this particular location in the garage -- it's where I would go each time I was getting ready to head to Boston or to Costa Rica, or even for the quick trips to Grandpa and Grandma's house. This weekend I got our our tent out for a weekend camping trip and as I was moving the suitcases around to get to the tent, I realized that I don't have any immediate plans to be using my suitcase.

And I felt a great sense of relief and peace about that.

I realize that's not a common feeling -- aren't most 20-somethings just antsy to move and go and be anywhere but in a familiar place? Granted, I still want to travel and have dreams of living abroad short-term for Spanish language study. I'm counting the days until I head east to see my friends and watch the sunrise on the North Shore. But I feel enormously grateful right now to be in one place without a need to be packing and unpacking, purchasing plane tickets, and transitioning from one home to the other.

My suitcase carried my heart from place to place and got all my clothes and jewelry and favorite sweaters and Lauren Conrad jeans safely across the miles. I never once lost a suitcase in my travels, and was always quick to spot a ginormous bag with a purple ribbon tied around it (strategically thought of by my mother for easy spotting) as it made it's way through the carousel.

Each time I got from Santa Barbara to Boston or Boston to Santa Barbara, I was quick to unpack in this specific way:
Step One: dump all of my crap out on the floor
Step Two: quickly put the suitcase away (in the garage, or under my bed at school)
Step Three: unpack

I always wanted that suitcase out of sight as quickly as possible...partly because I am a bit of a neat freak and like things to be put in their place as fast as possible. But the other reason is that I wanted to quickly acclimate to my new place and not think about the next time I was moving again. The suitcase sitting in the corner of my room would just remind me that I had to pack and unpack again and that just sounds a bit exhausting.

Do I sound like a an old lady who has reached her "travel limit"? Maybe...but that's not my point. I've discovered that traveling from place to place is beautiful and the places and people you discover along the way is incredibly meaningful. I've also discovered that planting yourself in one place is a good thing too and for me personally, gives a sense of peace and excitement for investing in a community in one place.

I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm thankful that for now, the suitcase can stay in the garage and be used for shorter trips instead of the long and tearful goodbye ones. I'm thankful for the chance to invest in relationships in Santa Barbara and to be close to family. I miss so much about the East Coast, but I am at peace with being here and letting this become my home. Thanks be to God.

California Seasons

Something VERY exciting happened in my house on Friday:

We turned the heater on for the first time this fall!! 

While that fact might not seem to be exciting, it signaled a change in the weather patterns here in Santa Barbara, California. I am ready to be done with 80-degree Sundays. As beautiful as they are, they are not for November (but my dad and I did enjoy an ocean swim last Sunday since it was so warm!!). 

Nothing compares to New England fall. Santa Barbara certainly can't compete in the color/fall crisp-ness/leaf color craziness category, BUT...SB proves to have some seasonal beauty that I am very grateful for and am looking forward to appreciating as I live here during the fall/winter months (first time in 5 years. Yikes!)

I love the way the sunlight is different in the fall and winter months. I love having the sun just rising and the sky sort of pinkish as I'm heading to work and the way the sun hits the plants in our backyard in the afternoon. I can't really describe it..but it's different and beautiful.

In the fall and winter months, SB is usually spared of FOG so the mountains stand against the blue ocean and you can actually see the Channel Islands. It's incredible. The summer months in SB are usually plagued with fog for the first part of the day (sometimes even into the afternoon), so the fall/winter clear skies provide breathtaking views.

 You can see a little bit of leaf change at the top of our maple sweet gum tree (thanks for the correction, Dad!) in the backyard and the purple-ish leaves of the ornamental plum tree (the purple color feels sort of fall-like to me)

The maple tree has plenty of leaves below it and the green is turning yellow - slowly but surely!

And, I'm living with my mother again and she has impeccable taste in seasonal decorating. There is no shortage of pumpkin love in our house.

I realize that so much of what I love about the winter and fall coziness at home is a privilege -- things like heat, and warm tea at night, and electricity for when the sun goes down at 5 pm. I am so thankful for these gifts and getting to experience some seasonal beauties here in Southern California.

Goodbye Election Shenanigans (for now)

November 4th came...and went. And I am so thankful for that fact.

I have had some really good conversations about the election, the issues most commonly discussed, and the candidates themselves. I have also read many disheartening commentaries and comments from people that have made me frustrated and sad. Unfortunately I think election season can bring out the worst in us...but hopefully the future will prove that wrong (I'm really, really hoping).

I graduated from college with a degree in Political Science. It's funny the reaction many people (and for good reason) give me when they hear this. They think I must be super excited about the election, about American political dynamics, what the candidates said in the debates, etc. etc. And all of this is somewhat true -- I did watch the debates (and live tweeted too!), I am interested in political dynamics and what candidates are saying and doing. However, being a political science major made me want more from political discussion -- and that "something more" continues to be absent in the political discussions I read about in the newspapers and on BBC.com.

In my Poli Sci classes we talked about the state and society -- what is the purpose of government? of social structures? of communities, organizations, families, schools? How do these different entities fit together? How do they support each other/relate to one another? We talked about the public good, about justice -- and how the the state, organizations, and families should seek to pursue justice in their respective capacities (and those pursuits will look different from one another).

When my aunt visited my family after my sophomore year in college, she asked me what I had learned in college so far and I said something along the lines of "life is complex" -- and studying politics was one of the most vivid example of that to me. I have taken classes emphasizing the importance of free trade, listened to Latin Americas who have been abused by unfair fair-trade policies, and interned at a think tank that strongly emphasized private markets in the healthcare sector. And I see truth in these varying view points: truth in the purpose of the market, but truth in its abuse and the heartbreaking reality that people do suffer when the market is abused or misused.

But when I open the newspaper to read about political discussions happening, we're avoiding the complexity -- we're not talking about justice and fairness, but instead individualism versus conservatism. It's pro-market or pro-government, which is robbing both the government and the market of their important role in society. When we talk about complex issues like immigration, taxes, education reform, health care policy, the solutions involve more than a "left" or "right" answer. When we talk about fiscal responsibility, we have to move beyond simply taxes and welfare programs and look at the broader purposes of government and social structures -- and how the two ought to interact. When we talk about winning the women vote, we cannot just focus on abortion rights but must consider gender discrimination and the public sector which still does not adequately reflect women voices (but yay for the now 20 women senators voted into office! we're getting there!). When we talk about welfare programs, we have to think about the individual, social, and global causes of poverty and what role government and other social structures should play. When we talk about immigration, we have to move beyond the "legal versus illegal" categories.

Those are the conversations I want to be having. Those are the conversations I want to read about and engage with people who disagree and agree with my thoughts. And perhaps if our conversations were about justice and fairness in the political arena, more people would engage instead of labeling politics as "so above their head." Politics is about people -- and while I know it's complex and difficult to understand, our shared humanity should prompt all of us to engage in political conversations -- and hopefully elevate them to a higher level instead of the right versus left that plagues the newspaper pages.

I chose to study political science because I was fascinated by the dynamic of government, social insititutions, and individuals -- and how this can function together under God's sovereignty. I didn't choose to study politics because I love politicians or have the Constitution memorized. I chose to study politics because political systems have profound implications in all areas of life -- in a very, very complicated way :) I hope that more people will join that conversation with me -- more business-minded people who can talk about economic justice and business practices that are fair and right. I hope more social workers join the conversation and talk about poverty and how welfare programs can be supported by government effectively. I hope more teachers enter the conversation and voice their ideas about education funding, wages, and access to resources.

And I hope we're willing to listen -- really listen -- to what they have to say. It's easy for me to jump on someone whom I know I won't agree with (especially when it comes to an issue I'm particularly passionate about) and then I stop listening to their argument. But I hope that if we elevate the conversation to talk about the complexity of these issues -- and listen to each other tell the other about the complicated and messy problems they find themselves facing in their fields -- hopefully we can listen better and work towards comprehensive solutions. I definitely need help in this listening arena.

I'm hoping for those conversations to come sooner rather than later (And there are some AWESOME blogs out there that do host these conversations and I'm really, really grateful for them! Check these articles out to know what I'm talking about: "Establish Justice: Reflections on the 2012 Election" by Hilary Sherratt, "When Issues Don't Fit Into Labels" by Melissa Steffan, "Immigration Debated, Not Much Said" by Danielle Huntley, "Questions on Christians and Politics" by Stephanie Summers)

Thankful for Lilypads

Before I graduated from Gordon, I talked with a former professor about what I was hoping to do after graduation. I gave my typical spiel: "I'm not really sure..., thinking about x, y, and z,.... hoping to figure it out later...(ya da ya da)" and then I told him about this weird thought that I had that perfectly illustrated what I wanted as a college graduate: I wanted a lilly pad!

I think of myself as a little frog who needed a lily pad: a place to jump from. Don't we all do different jobs and activities and jump from one idea to another before we land in one general occupation/career path? (and then usually jump a few more times after that until we retire?). I had absolutely no idea where to start -- and some vague ideas about where I wanted to land someday as I thought about what to look for in an entry-level-post-college-job. The starting and in between was really, really fuzzy to me - and overwhelming to say the least. Somehow that whole "starting somewhere" translated in my head to being like a frog jumping from lily pad to lily pad -- so that's what I decided to hope for: a lily pad to start on as I graduated from college.

And I'm so, so, so thankful that I have that lily pad right now -- a job and a place to call home that is so much more than a jumping off point, but a place where I feel supported and know I can learn lots before I am ready to move to the next adventure. I know that this is a gift -- and very hard one to come by in these economic times. And I'm happy to be here, in this job, in this place, with these people, and to let this time prepare me for the next lily pad someday.

the haps

I've been wanting to blog for awhile, but haven't had many good words to say -- or they just haven't seemed blog-worthy. There are a few "draft" posts in my blogspot account, but I usually get through a few paragraphs and shut the computer. I started writing about the election, but felt like it was too opinionated, and then I started writing about other things and the thoughts just aren't being well formed.

Oh well.

So, I am instead doing a life update on myself since moving home a little over a month ago -- in as un-narcissistic of a way as possible :)

The first thing that happened when I got home was tackling this monstrous mess in my bedroom:

I took this picture primarily for my sister, Kelsey, who's room usually looks something like this (usually not quite that bad). When I got home, I just threw all my stuff in my room and then after my road-trippin buddy Allison left I started to unpack and organize. It took a bit of time, but now things are in good order -- and I even hung something up using a level -- with little assistance from my mother! (I was quite proud of that accomplishment)

The biggest news since being home is getting a job! (!!!!) I am incredibly thankful for employment -- and a job that I'm really enjoying. I work with awesome people and am slowly adjusting to an 8-5 type schedule. Surprisingly getting up at 6 hasn't been too difficult yet but it's only been a few weeks in :)

I've gotten to go to a few of Libby's cross country races and cheer her on! I can't believe I was running as a senior at DP five years ago..yikes. It's been great to live at home and hang out with her. 

I have been an attentive debates watcher and live-debate-tweeting-madness follower during this election hype. I've been soaking up great political conversations with my dad and other wise friends and mentors. And I've been reading some awesome articles from magazines and newspapers and blogs about all kinds of things -- beyond politics talk too! I'm also quite enthused by our family's new magazine subscription to The Economist (completely balanced out by People magazine - oh well, I like both ;))

I'm missin this girl a whole lot (she comes home in less than 2 months! yay!) I'm looking forward to dance parties and having her room be messy again.

And I'm living here:

 I'm really thankful. This is actually the view really close to the new church I've been attending (and so enjoying). I want to continue to pause as I drive home on Sunday early afternoons, soaking in this beauty. 

While I'm definitely missing a lot of people right now (especially East Coast friends), I'm thankful for so many gifts right now -- for a job, new friends, being at home, good conversations, spending time with family, running in Santa Barbara, watching TV while I light my pumpkin candle...(Bath and Body Works fall scents are INCREDIBLE. Don't judge until you've purchased one :)), and much more. 

And I think that's it for now...adios!

fall deliciousness

While I'm missing scenery like this....

I'm indulging in one of my favorite foods: SQUASH!!! If you know me well enough, you know that I buy squash frequently -- butternut, to be specific. When I first lived in an on-campus apartment at Gordon and was learning the ropes of cooking meals for myself, I discovered how easy, delicious, healthy, and FUN cooking squash could be!! All I had to do was cut the squash through the middle, seed it, and put it in the oven. I might add too much brown sugar to continue classifying it as "healthy," but it's the thought that counts, right? I continue to love squash - and other kinds too, like spaghetti and acorn. And I've "graduated" from just making plain squash to making some delicious recipes, too thanks to friends and magazines. I thought I'd share two of my discoveries here....

My all-time favorite recipe for butternut squash can be found here, per the recommendation of my friend Kelly Soifer -- all to her credit. I LOVE this recipe - I've made it quite a few times already and don't plan on stopping.

Butternut Squash, Lentil, and Coconut Stew

Ingredients:

• 1 cup lentils
• 1 butternut squash (peeled and chopped into cubes)
• 1 tomato, diced
• 1/2 cup shredded coconut
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 4 cups vegetable stock, or water, or enough to cover

Tempering:

• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 1 teaspoon mustard (you're supposed to use mustard seeds, but I've used ground mustard)
• Red pepper flakes (depending on how spicy you want it - I'm not a spicy fan, so we just put in a few)
• 1 garlic clove (finely chopped)
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 lime juiced (or a lemon works too)
• cilantro leaves (to taste)

How to make it:

Rinse the lentils, then, in a large pot, combine squash, lentils, tomato, coconut, turmeric, cumin, and enough vegetable stock (chicken broth would work too) to cover. Bring to a boil, and then simmer, covered for about 20 minutes. Remove cover and simmer 10 minutes (squash should be soft). 

The tempering (I had never done this before - and it's kind of fun!!): In a small frying pan, warm the oil until it's hot. Add the mustard (or mustard seeds) and the red pepper flakes, garlic, and salt. Pour the contents into the soup (including the salt) and then spoon a ladleful of soup back into the frying pan (it will sizzle so don't get too close!) and then pour it back into the pot.

Cilantro is an excellent topping and I think other things like honey would be delicious too (I've just put the honey straight in the pot and it adds a nice flavor). You can serve this over rice, or even without it - it's pretty hearty :)

Another one of my favorite's is this one from Family Circle Magazine:

Roasted Butternut Squash Soup

Ingredients: 

• 1 large butternut squash; cut into wedges
• 3 tablespoon oil
• 1 chopped onion
• 4 cloves finely chopped garlic
• 1 peeled, cored, and chopped apple
• 5 cups chicken broth
• 1 cup apple cider (or apple juice)
• Salt, ginger to taste
• Sour cream and cilantro = optional toppings

Here's how you do it:

Peel and seed the squash and roast in the oven with 2 tablespoon oil @ 350 for about an hour (maybe more - it should be soft). Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a soup pot and once it's hot, saute the chopped onion and garlic. Then add the roasted squash, chopped apple, chicken broth, and apple cider. Simmer 30 minutes (apple should be soft). 

Puree in food processor (or, what we do is use the "magic bullet" mixer - quite handy for this recipe so you don't have to take the soup out of the pot!). Add salt to taste and serve with sour cream and cilantro.

My one problem with butternut squash recipes is that they can be a bit time consuming when you have to peel, cut, and roast the squash. However, if you plan your time out well, you can roast the squash a day in advance -- or maybe just earlier in the day. And if you have a good knife, the peeling isn't too bad (that was NOT the case in my apartment so I opted for frozen squash to save my fingers and sanity. I know frozen defeats the purpose, but it was still good :))

Now I was Sittin, Waitin, Wishin...(thank you Jack Johnson)

Thank you Hilary for inspiring this post. Read it here to see what I'm writing about :)

I'm waiting and wishing - that might be the best way to describe this season of life: waiting to know where I should apply for work, waiting for new friendships and community, waiting to catch a bigger glimpse of how God is going to use the puzzle pieces in my life.

And I find myself wishing too -- wishing that the waiting period would be just a tad bit shorter, wishing that I had faith like so and so or the relationship that person X has, wishing that I had a better idea of what I want to do with my life and could answer the question: where do you see yourself in 5 years? without so much hesitancy.

Last week my friend Hilary blogged about this kind of wishing -- and how we compare what we have been given (she calls it all "gifts"):

I think that all those young college graduates, young professionals, the promisers, the rooted and winged, all of us waste time wishing we could trade lives with each other like lunchboxes. We all wish for a different wild gift. We all wish we had the kind of hard but beautiful someone else is living.

This summer I read Lauren Winner's recent book Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis. I highly recommend it. Winner is an honest author and I think that's what I appreciate the most about her - there's no beating-around-the-bush with her and that's refreshing. Here's a particular quote I loved:

Maybe God has given some people belief like a pier, to stand on (and God has given those people's steadiness to the church, to me, as a reminder, as an aid), and maybe God has given others something else. Maybe God has given to some this humming sense that we know nothing, this belief and disbelief a hundred times an hour, this training in nimbleness (and maybe that is a gift to the church, too)" p. 15

My gift, my contribution to the church, to society, to my family and friend, is not the same gift that others bring. My gift is not a high level job. My gift is not a romantic relationship. My gift is not grad school. My gift is not DC or Boston or Baltimore.

But my gift is many good things: my gift is being home, my gift is being able to train for a half marathon, participating in a new church, writing letters to people I love and miss. My gift is the beach and making pumpkin butter and sweet potato bread.

I think Winner is right - God has given some people "belief like a pier to stand on" and others "something else." That "something else" isn't lesser and the belief isn't better - they are each a different gift.

I've been using Hilary's word "gift" throughout this post, and I think it's a good word to use. I don't mean to sound glib about hardship or discomfort or the sense of being overwhelmed. I think honesty is important and choosing thankfulness doesn't mean we cover up the tears. But I think the word gift helps me focus less on what others have that I don't, and more on what I have been uniquely given.

"Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure"

Psalm 16:5

season of summers

an important chapter of life has ended: school summer vacation. summer is always here (as long as the climate changes don't go too crazy), but i will (hopefully!) be employed sometime soon and that job will most likely not have 3 months of vacation time. boo. 

(summer '10 - ghiradelli in san fran)

 (summer '09 - libby's 8th grade graduation)

(summer '09 - hanging out with grandma and photobooth)

 (summer '10 - summers were incomplete without some dog sitting - here's one of my canine friends henri)

 (summer '10 - hanging at the grandparents' ...with mac of course)

 (summer '11 - mammoth family vacation)

 (summer '10 - dad hoping his height and our kbakes sign will help find kels after her HS graduation ceremony. i have never been so thankful for a tall father than during ceremonies like these where there are at least 2,000 people wandering a football field looking for 1 out of 450 graduates all wearing the same clothing)

(summer '11 - cousin reunion :))

 (summer '09 - reunion with the grimes in arkansas!)

 (summer '11 - making key lime pie for grandma's birthday -- 

with uncle alan cheering me on :))

 (summer '12 - walk on singing beach with lyss)

 (summer '12 - beach day with bekah)

(summer '12 - my 1st new england 4th of july! - with sam adams o' course!)

as i'm in the process of looking for work, i am reminded of the blessings of this past summer and the summers before that. each summer God has been faithful to provide both money as well as time with family and friends. i remember going back to Gordon for my junior year and feeling refreshed physically (yay for summer gym memberships!), spiritually (loved the church Bible study on the book of David), mentally (no papers to turn in! no Con Law briefs to write! No tests to study for! = decreased stress levels), and emotionally (cheers to laughing with my sisters and hanging with my family all summer long). that was the summer of '10, and summer '11 was different, but still so good - time with family and friends to process my time in Latin America, full-time work at the retirement center which i loved, vacationing with the family in the mountains, and doing spinning classes for exercise with some crazy athletic trainers.

this summer was different, but still wonderful. i confess i watched more TV than i would like to admit (netflix is a blessing and a curse) and at times was a bit lonely living by myself in a dorm, but i loved being in new england during the summer months, running to singing beach and exploring Boston during the warm summer evenings, laying out at west beach with dunkin' donuts iced coffee and a book in my hand, shopping at the outlets, and coffee dates with friends and co-workers. i read some good books and blog posts, learned more about managing a budget, and relished mcdonald's rolo mcflurries and $1 iced coffee (i think i have mentioned those two delicacies a few times already. i apologize. it's just THAT good). i felt like relationships with friends were strengthened and that i could rest. 

while i'm sad that this chapter of school-break-summer seasons is over, i am grateful for the rest and rejuvenation i have experienced during those late-may, june, july, and august months. i hope i'll find that same sort of rejuvenation and rest in these new seasons of life. 

life-long learning

i walked up to her office door on the third floor of frost, clutching the computer where i had just typed quotes that shook me, and the book (whose quotes i had typed furiously) sitting on top. i walked into her office and i just started to talk -- i don't ever seem to have hesitancy in that arena. when i'm that invested in something words just seem to pour out.

"dr. george, i don't know what to think about this. this is changing the way i think! the way i think about singleness and marriage and femininity and masculinity and my value as a woman and who i am and what society thinks of me and, and, and ..." the words bubble over.

and she looked at me in her chair and said words to me in her beautiful British accent. she nodded and told me stories and lessons about culture and society and this thing called paradigm shifts.

i'm scared of losing the love for books, for ideas that make me stay up late at night, for conversations that make me smile wide.

but i guess i shouldn't be fearing that. you see, i found that book (the one i took up to my professor's office) at a small bookstore in boston. my friend and i were purusing the book shelves and i stumbled upon it, flipped through a few pages and was fascinated by the author's frank discussion about weddings and bachelorette parties and what being a bride and groom signifies. so i bought it and read it and haven't stopped talking about it since.

i'm not a college student anymore, but i hope to always be a student in some capacity. and maybe one day, i can be a teacher too. i can have a bedroom or office where people come to me bursting with confusion and eagerness about books and ideas. and we can be confused and eager together. i can look in their eyes and smile and say "me too! i'm excited too!" and we can drink coffee or tea and share stories and ideas and lessons.

i hope to always discover things - the big and small. i hope to always leave crazy voice mail messages on my friends' phones that go like this "LISA THIS BOOK IS BLOWING MY MIND! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS! IT'S SO INCREDIBLY GOOD!" and i hope to always sit at the dinner table with my dad and talk about the newspaper and those articles he clipped out and places in his basket next to the computer.

i'm hoping school is closer than it feels. and i'm hoping to always be a life-long learner, no matter if i'm taking 16 credits or zero.

welcome to california

I made it to California. 

After two weeks of long car rides, books on tape, periodic bathroom stops, hotel and hostel sleeping, and countless interstate signs along the road, I am back in Southern California. It's funny to me how much scenery changes across the states I traveled through -- from the Nautica/polo-preppy attire of Cape Cod and manicured homes along the beaches of Massachusetts, through the vibrant green trees aligning the roads in the south, to the bare-landscape of the interstate leading to Searcy, Arkansas where there were homes just "here and there" for miles and miles, to the insane heat of Dallas, Texas, to the cactus-hills of Arizona, and then to the hazy fog of mornings in San Diego. On one side of the coast you see signs for Waffle House and Dunkin' Donuts and then finally you reach Arizona and the sign for "In-N-Out" miraculously appears. I wonder how when someone from another country decides to visit the US how they go about picking their exact destination.

I am thankful to be here. And I am thankful that I can say that confidently, even though I sometimes wonder if I fit in with Southern California culture and wonder what it's going to be like as I make friends here and make this my home again. 

Highlights from the trip:

(1) Being with my mom and friend Allison (P.S. Check out her blog - she has tons of sweet photos). You can't do a drive like this with out someone sitting in the passenger side, or driving while you take a nap. We passed the time together by listening to books on tape, enjoying the scenery, reading books to each other, chatting about things like the upcoming election and gender roles and weddings and jobs and work and figuring out life (and lots in between - including a very short game of 20 Questions).

(2) Friends and family along the way. It was really special to see family in Virginia and friends in Arkansas and California as we traveled. Plane flights are expensive, schedules are busy, and reconnecting across the miles is difficult. Hence, road tripping proved to be the perfect way to just be together - by eating meals, enjoying the pool, making crafts, and driving around their respective towns. It was fun to meet some of Allison's family along the way and to hang out in San Diego with our friend from the semester in Costa Rica. And I got to see one of the families I hung out with during my week in San Diego for spring break. That was so so SO special

(3) McDonalds: this is more of a confessionary point. I think I went to McDonalds almost every day during this trip. Before you freak out and assume I have gained 30 pounds, let me clarify that usually the stop was for iced coffee (and sometimes for a fruit n yogurt parfait as well). I always looked for those golden arches as we drove along the road - it was the perfect bathroom/coffee stop. 

(4) The South. In Virginia I saw the city of Richmond which holds many stories from the Civil War, in North Carolina I ate grits and fried okra, in Arkansas people wore high heels to church, and in Texas I heard the long accent drawl "how are youuuuuuuuuu?" The south is different and fun, and while I'm not sure I would want to live there, I enjoyed being there -- and I really do love that accent.
(5) My car, Charlie (pronounced Chah-lie). He was a champ. Despite a few minor hiccups along the road (climbing hills was a bit difficult at some points and my hazard lights decided to randomly go off 

at different points throughout the trip), my car did great and I am incredibly thankful for that!

the end!

texas / new mexico / arizona

texas:

fort worth at night

 dealey plaza. hello JFK!

 

brownwood (allison's college hometown)

beginning the drive to albuquerque before the sun rises ...here we go west texas!

we stopped at allison's cousin's restaurant in plainview, texas for some delicious mexican food!

we did go to new mexico. no pictures to document that trip, but we stayed at a nice home through air b&b and then headed to the grand canyon!

it was breathtaking. i don't think there's any more words needed to describe it. 

trekkin' through the south

and the journey continues!

places i can cross off my list (well, sort of -- certainly not enough time spent in all these beautiful places!)

*nashville, tn

*searcy, ar

mom and i checked out the grand ol' opry hotel in nashville

 crossing the mississippi river en route to arkansas!!!

 crafting it up in searcy, arkansas with our dear friends the grimes!!

 katie and i made earrings holders, candle holders and picture frames

now i'm in dallas, texas and off for the second leg of the journey with my friend allison.

i've been slacking on the words part of this blog -- trust me, there will be plenty to come. thanks for reading and following my adventures!!