it's more than just a game

Five years ago this happened:

I was in Guatemala, playing soccer on some random field surrounded by gorgeous mountains and trees and shouts of Spanish and English as a ball was passed around. I wrote in my journal, July 10, 2008 that I had one of the best days of my life playing soccer with Guatemalans. I remember when they suggested we play "gringos vs. Guatemalans"...and we did. And I'm sure we lost miserably.

I remember that day because it was in those moments, with sweat dripping down my face, and my cheeks turning crazy red, that no one had to worry about language differences. Or cultural backgrounds. Or income disparities. It was just a bunch of people playing the beautiful game of fútbol, laughing and running hard together.

I've had more of those moments since Guatemala. I had them in Costa Rica as we played a game with my friend's host family, in San Diego when we played soccer with a group from the Hispanic church we worked with, and most recently on a Sunday in Bohnett Park on the Westside of Santa Barbara.

It's funny that I titled this post "it's more than just a game", because my sports knowledge is minimal and I'm not a sports enthusiast in the least. I do NOT like being aggressive and prefer to do sports where I don't have to touch anyone (hence, cross country and swimming were the perfect athletic endeavors for me in high school). But on that field in Guatemala, and on the fields I've played since then, I have learned that this is more than a game, it's community. It's one of the most beautiful forms of community I have ever seen take place.

On the soccer field I am white, I am la gringa. I stand out and I am much too vocal (don't take the ball from me! no, I didn't mean to pass it to you! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I hit you in the face! Are you okay? Ah the ball is coming to me-what-do-I-do-with-it?!? ..just snippets of my soccer ramblings). While there are many times where I do feel insecure by my white-ness, on the soccer field, that insecurity fades a little. I have been met by gracious hospitality -- by Latin Americans and Mexican-Americans and my own peers who play patiently with me, and smile and laugh with me, and (for some reason I'm still not sure of) pass the ball to me.

So, that Sunday as I was passing the soccer ball on a small field, surrounded by Latino families celebrating birthdays with piñatas and watching their kids on the playground, I was made more aware of Alyssa la gringa. The Alyssa who doesn't fit in exactly in this setting. Yet it's sort of a paradox because it is within this exact setting that I experience great joy and peace, and oddly enough, confidence.

On the soccer field I hear

mano! mano!
I got it!

pásele!
over here!

aquí!

Spanish, English, Spanish, English. In some way the two languages sort of blend together seamlessly and we know what the other is saying. The words give me peace and rest for some reason. They fill me with joy, and even though I'm playing in the midst of white people and not-white people, 6 year olds and 23 year olds, high school educated and PhD accredited, I feel like we're this family, laughing and sweating and running together. Our differences no longer seem so apparent.

I remember one semester Gordon's chapel theme was "The Kingdom of God is like..." We looked at the gospels and what Jesus taught about his kingdom and all the metaphors and stories he used to describe it. 

I think I saw a piece of the Kingdom on Sunday on that soccer field. I think passing that fútbol was a tangible illustration of shalom, flourishing, peace. And I think it's only the beginning of building relationships and love and trust with people who have been put on the margins within my city. We have a long way to go in being a part of this Kingdom work, but I believe I saw a glimpse of it on Sunday. And I'm eager to go back for more.

welcome to california

I made it to California. 

After two weeks of long car rides, books on tape, periodic bathroom stops, hotel and hostel sleeping, and countless interstate signs along the road, I am back in Southern California. It's funny to me how much scenery changes across the states I traveled through -- from the Nautica/polo-preppy attire of Cape Cod and manicured homes along the beaches of Massachusetts, through the vibrant green trees aligning the roads in the south, to the bare-landscape of the interstate leading to Searcy, Arkansas where there were homes just "here and there" for miles and miles, to the insane heat of Dallas, Texas, to the cactus-hills of Arizona, and then to the hazy fog of mornings in San Diego. On one side of the coast you see signs for Waffle House and Dunkin' Donuts and then finally you reach Arizona and the sign for "In-N-Out" miraculously appears. I wonder how when someone from another country decides to visit the US how they go about picking their exact destination.

I am thankful to be here. And I am thankful that I can say that confidently, even though I sometimes wonder if I fit in with Southern California culture and wonder what it's going to be like as I make friends here and make this my home again. 

Highlights from the trip:

(1) Being with my mom and friend Allison (P.S. Check out her blog - she has tons of sweet photos). You can't do a drive like this with out someone sitting in the passenger side, or driving while you take a nap. We passed the time together by listening to books on tape, enjoying the scenery, reading books to each other, chatting about things like the upcoming election and gender roles and weddings and jobs and work and figuring out life (and lots in between - including a very short game of 20 Questions).

(2) Friends and family along the way. It was really special to see family in Virginia and friends in Arkansas and California as we traveled. Plane flights are expensive, schedules are busy, and reconnecting across the miles is difficult. Hence, road tripping proved to be the perfect way to just be together - by eating meals, enjoying the pool, making crafts, and driving around their respective towns. It was fun to meet some of Allison's family along the way and to hang out in San Diego with our friend from the semester in Costa Rica. And I got to see one of the families I hung out with during my week in San Diego for spring break. That was so so SO special

(3) McDonalds: this is more of a confessionary point. I think I went to McDonalds almost every day during this trip. Before you freak out and assume I have gained 30 pounds, let me clarify that usually the stop was for iced coffee (and sometimes for a fruit n yogurt parfait as well). I always looked for those golden arches as we drove along the road - it was the perfect bathroom/coffee stop. 

(4) The South. In Virginia I saw the city of Richmond which holds many stories from the Civil War, in North Carolina I ate grits and fried okra, in Arkansas people wore high heels to church, and in Texas I heard the long accent drawl "how are youuuuuuuuuu?" The south is different and fun, and while I'm not sure I would want to live there, I enjoyed being there -- and I really do love that accent.
(5) My car, Charlie (pronounced Chah-lie). He was a champ. Despite a few minor hiccups along the road (climbing hills was a bit difficult at some points and my hazard lights decided to randomly go off 

at different points throughout the trip), my car did great and I am incredibly thankful for that!

the end!

trekkin' through the south

and the journey continues!

places i can cross off my list (well, sort of -- certainly not enough time spent in all these beautiful places!)

*nashville, tn

*searcy, ar

mom and i checked out the grand ol' opry hotel in nashville

 crossing the mississippi river en route to arkansas!!!

 crafting it up in searcy, arkansas with our dear friends the grimes!!

 katie and i made earrings holders, candle holders and picture frames

now i'm in dallas, texas and off for the second leg of the journey with my friend allison.

i've been slacking on the words part of this blog -- trust me, there will be plenty to come. thanks for reading and following my adventures!!

the random places

there's a tree in the middle of campus that whenever i see, i think of my friend lynn. each fall this tree is the first to change colors and each spring i think it's one of the first to bloom. lynn would always hope that the tree would keep its leaves until her parents came to visit over quad break (mid-october), but usually only one or two leaves would be left.

i have a favorite running spot along chebacco road. i discovered it on a run during my freshman year and still love to find it. i run the normal loop around coy pond and take a left through the woods. eventually i stumble upon chebacco road and after running less than .5 miles, i reach this lovely lake that is surrounded by trees and a couple of houses. usually i don't see anyone there and i pause my ipod and catch my breath while i stare across the lake. it's usually not very long, but i love that place.

there's a place called henderson's cafe that's right up the road in hamilton. it's next door to the place that i get my car fixed and i like to go in there while i wait. it's only open until about noon and all the locals go there for a cup of coffee and donut, or breakfast if they feel like it. the average age in that place is somewhere over 65 so i fit in perfectly :) i like listening to their accents. and i like the coffee, too.

on the fourth floor of the library on campus is a place called the alumni reading room. it's a nice big room that you can almost always guarantee will be quiet. it is in this room where i have had many moments of academic despair and humor
[despair] me, my computer, and chocolate wrappers before the 11 o'clock AM hour. eating my emotions? yes. (finals = desperate)
[humor] my friend Lisa and I sending ridiculous emails back to each other as we sit across from each other moaning over our political theory papers. then we dash out to the academic support center for the snacks and free coffee/tea they provide every year during finals week (such a terrific invention that i am forever grateful for).

i know my RD's apartment very well. it's there that me and baby em have traveled from laying on the floor to walking with her hands to the wall, to full-out walking around, no balance help necessary! we've traveled together through each of the three rooms -- we've played with the shoes and socks and then looked in the mirror at each other at least one hundred times. we've looked out the window and waved at people passing by, and we've eaten cheerio's together. i swear eating cheerios with a one year old is ten times more fun than eating them with milk by yourself.

there's a little study hang out place in our student center that is sort of cozy-dark with booths and wooden tables a fireplace. it's usually loud late at night but quiet in the mornings and provides the perfect place to study. that's where me and abby spent the morning before our intro to social work exams together, studying over cereal and bagels, while we quizzed each other and laid on the booth seats desperate for the exam to just BE OVER. right next to that booth is a little coffee service area where students can make you lattes and steamers. it's there that maris and i broke the happy news to abby that we were going to be living in a TRIPLE next year! we were so excited.

the window from my room is one of the most beautiful views you could see. the window is usually opened just a crack and right now i'm staring at it listening to birds chirping and watching the breeze move through the leaves. the view looks out at the pond and the trees that are a crazy-shade of green right now. sometimes i feel like new england changes over night - one day everything is bare and the next the colors are popping out everywhere. i can tell when it's raining when i see the rain drops make their circles on the pond's surface.

i think that places hold parts of us. or maybe it's that they remind us of things we can't remember on our own. they're random and sort of weird, but i'm grateful for them. and grateful for what they bring back to my memory.

wednesdays and fridays

on wednesdays and fridays i find myself seated with random strangers on a train heading south into the city. i look for the nearest empty seat, sit, and open my book - sometimes my sociology text book or wendell berry or some other homework assignment. the rhythm of the train and the rays of the sun usually let me drift off to sleep for just a few minutes. i hear in the background

SALEM

LYNN

CHELSEA

we're getting closer.

they call the last stop: north station and i walk off this train with a hundred people i don't know, but we're all going somewhere and we gotta get there fast. we're wearing our black boots and coats and scarves and mittens and talking on our cell phones and entering into the city just like it's any normal day. we're swimming upstream and we don't look back. 

 i go pass the dunkin' donuts and the bruins posters and push open the door outside. the TD garden sign is big and it reminds me that here, in boston, our sports teams are a religion. i am no longer cheering for the UCLA bruins. i'm cheering for hockey bruins and we ARE stanley cup champions. 

i cross the street and i'm enveloped in the big buildings of the city. for these 10 minutes of walking i forget about school, about graduation, about questions and frustrations and everything else. the city feels big and the buildings are tall and i find myself looking up into the sky and just being happy that they're there. 

to my left is faneuil hall and i can see the big clock tower. i walk along the bricks, sometimes clumsuly in my high heeled shoes, wondering why i didn't inherit my grandmother's skillful walking in stilletos. 

finally i'm at the old state house and there's this placard in the ground that says March 5, 1770 and i remember being here in high school with my dad who stuck out like a sore thumb being so tall and wearing his CAL sweatshirt with the tourist map in towe. we were standing where the boston massacre happened and i remember wanting to come back to the east coast. somehow. someday.

i get to my street and i'm in between the tallest buildings and it's sort of gray because their shadows cast down on the alley way but it doesn't feel dark or lonely, it feels good. and rejuvinating. i enter the office and press the button to get on the elevator and i look up at the mirror-roof and smile big because somehow i navigated my way there. and i loved the journey it took to get there. 

i'm in boston. where we hate new york, where we know how to swear and our street cred isn't real unless we use the f word in every sentence. i'm in boston where we might not go to work after the pats loose and where mike's pastry shop sells the most delicious cannolis and we have statues of paul revere. i'm in a city that i know so little about but at the same time know that i love being in it - even when i don't have an exact place to go or agenda to meet, i feel excited by the noises and the hustle-bustle and the smells of cigarette smoke and italian restaurants and sea food.

i cross the streets to go back to north station and i know i'm going in the right direction because i see the bridge with the huge suspensions. i find a seat somewhere on the train and sit next to people who i don't know but think have been working for hours and are excited to come home and get out of the city. the same city that i love to get in. i sit there and watch the conductors open the doors for each stop.
CHELSEA
LYNN
SALEM

and then i am home.

kelsey visits!

we had a great weekend.

and i also learned not to rush. this was what i looked like throughout the weekend many times - trying to walk faster to the car, get to the commuter rail with at least 10 minutes to spare, etc. and kels was always a few steps behind me rolling her eyes and saying "will walking a little faster make THAT much of a difference? no. so slow down"

so i need to continue to learn how to slow down and to enjoy those brief walks between here and there because there's a lot of beauty along those journeys -- a quite literal example when we got lost in boston and happened upon some beautiful ponds (part of an environmental preservation project). i hate getting lost. unfortunately, when you are living in the boston area you WILL get lost: that is inevitable. however, getting lost in this instance led to a beautiful walk, a lovely chat with a sweet (and handsome might i add) man who let us use a restroom nearby, and a new place now visited in boston. good times. i now want to run the half marathon there!

just some of the good times and wonderful things kels and i did together this weekend.
and some of the things i learned as well :)

it's been 8 months since...

i ran in the Gordon woods to my favorite lake, laughed loudly with my apartment-mates, made pasta with veggie burgers for the umpteenth time, marveled at the colors of fall, joyfully made myself butternut squash for dinner, walked to chaps bundled in my blue puffy jacket, prepared hot chocolate with a peppermint at the bottom to sustain me to Jenks for long study-hours, watched an episode of glee all cozied up in my pink down comforter, ran to the beach passing the cutest New England cottage houses, got out of breath reaching the top of frost to talk to a professor, enjoyed a butterscotch candy after cashing a check at the cashier’s office (usually a Friday tradition), rode on the T into the beautiful city of Bah-stun, worked out in the often times over-heated gym, finished a run and proceeded to watch a soccer game on the quad, trekked to Maine to visit Maris and her family, huffed & puffed my way up to Laurie’s office on the 3rd floor of the chapel, learned another reason why I love studying political science…

I have missed all of those things and so many more for the past 8 months. But the past 8 months have been filled with its own blessings through new people, places, and returning home to my California family for the summer.
I am excited, nervous, anxious, and grateful for the opportunity to head back to Massachusetts in just a couple of weeks: Excited to see good friends, anxious to begin another year of classes, nervous about transitioning and what is coming post-graduation, grateful for Gordon and all the many things I love about it and how God has blessed me there.

parents

i learned so much from my parents while i was in latin america. i saw hospitality, generosity, patience, and love flow from their hearts in the ways they interacted with me. they were servants in the ways they fed me, provided shelter for me, and also provided conversation and comfort as i lived miles away from the comforts of my own "home". the majority of my time abroad was spent with my san jose family, but i also got to live with two other families, in nicaragua and at my internship. i believe that these people are gutsy -- i mean, really, opening their heart & home to an exchange student you've never met nor seen before? i wish i could say i would jump at the opportunity, but i think it would take a little more encouragement than that. it was a privilege to live with them throughout the semester and i treasure my conversations and experiences with them.

[san jose]

[nicaragua]

[internship]

[santa barbara parents, or as i like to call them: the 'rents]

i was so blessed by the parents i had while i was in latin america for four months, but that blessing pales in comparison to the blessing of my birth parents -- whose hospitality, love, generosity, patience, and faithfulness have continued for 21 years (and counting :)). they were a rock during my semester and i don't think i could have made it through the ups and downs of living in a foreign country without them.

i'm thankful for the blessing of parents: of their wisdom, the ways i observe how they live in love, how they press on through the challenges of life, and how they open their arms to you just the way you are.

new england: me hace falta

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love

[summer]

[winter]

[springtime]

[harvest]

with love, new england

for those wondering why i love living in new england... look no further

can these colors BEEE any more vivid and wonderful??

i think not, chandler bing

dear new england, i love you back