tribute to holiday treats

just a few faves for oh-ten christmas:

[peppermint bark]

the challenge: melting white chocolate (apparently the bakers lack this skill) .. over mixing turns into churned butter which doesn't work so well, and this year Libby got water in it and that didn't work either. Mom decided to take over for the next batch. maybe next year we'll get it right?

[toffee triangles]

i think my mama has been making these since we moved from indiana..they are absolutely delicious and i made 5 dozen for our mentoring christmas party this year. it's a simple butter cookie and then you melt chocolate on top and sprinkle it with heath bar chips. and don't forget to cut them into triangles - this is what makes them look especially fancy :)

[peanut-butter chip pumpkin bread]

sounds a little odd, right? my dad's assistant makes this every christmas and we look forward to it from year to year. it is basically like cake, but you feel a little better about indulging in it since it looks like bread. the challenge is getting enough pieces before kelsey does...this is definitely not easy.

[trader joe's peppermint Jo Jo's]

they are so much better than oreo's and you can even get them chocolate-dipped and rolled in crushed peppermints. i love trader joe's for so many different reasons, and this is one of their stellar products.

one of the many things i love about my mom is that she is incredibly crafty & creative. each year she always likes to give a little christmas cheer to the neighbors at (like gingerbread scones or various cookies). this year was gingerbread men and i got to help :) i hope some of her [many] skills rub off on me.

..and now the resisting sweet temptations begins! it has been a delicious month!

¡Feliz Navidad!

"El pueblo que andaba en la oscuridad

ha visto una gran luz;

sobre los que vivían en densas tinieblas

la luz ha resplandecido...

Porque nos ha nacido un niño,

se nos ha concedido un hijo;

la sobreanía reposará sobre sus hombros,

y se le darán estos nombres:

Consejero admirable, Dios fuerte,

Padre eterno, Prínciple de paz"

Isaías 9:2, 6

I'm getting a little nervous for Central America...maybe it's because of all of the back and forth talk about vaccinations and malaria pills, or the books i received about latin american history that are rather dense, or the fact that it is coming closer than i expected.

but reading this passage in spanish made me so happy: happy for the opportunity to speak spanish in a different context than a classroom, happy to see God's promises revealed in a different language.

¡Feliz Navidad!

no place like home...especially for the holiday

home has been LOVELY so far:

slept for 12 hours on friday and stayed in the house almost the whole day (!!), cozied up on the couch with kels (later joined by mom & libs) to watch the holiday (see previous post about how much i love that movie) with hot chocolate (that's a given for me these days -- i think i've had it every day for the past week and a half)

..and today: hung out with precious sydney for the afternoon: we had a lot of fun :)

is she not the cutest thing you've ever seen???

a rich piece of chocolate cake

this past week i have been thinking about how often times (not always) life is like a rich piece of chocolate cake. not the pillsbury box kind, but the real stuff: the cocoa, butter, flour, sugar and the decadent frosting (we're talking about cream, sugar, butter, and chocolate). does that now sound incredibly rich and heavenly??

i am a fast-paced person and run from one thing to the next: and that's not always a bad thing, but i am coming to realize more and more how important it is to stop, breathe, think, liten, and learn from what is going on around me right NOW. when you eat a rich dessert like chocolate cake, you should...
sit down
actually cut a piece instaed of just taking bites from all sides
get a glass of milk
make sure you get a small dessert fork
eat it s l o w l y and savor every. single. bite.

(i am definitely not good at this)

it's at moments like this, sitting in the san francisco airport, realizing that i just said good bye to my friends for 8 months, realizing that i may not see some of the same people at gordon ever again, and realizing that i am over half way done with college, these moments are when i realize that life is moving fast and i need to stop and savor the precious moments God has given me. life is not always going to be a piece of cake, it's going to be hard and scary and tiring and stressful, but there are so many moments along that journey where i need to take time to pause and SEE what God is doing. i love the verse "Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD" (psalm 34:8) -- What a blessing it is that God doesn't just want us to see his goodness, but He wants us to TASTE it ourselves and to see his goodness in our lives, through struggle and triumph.

this week has been so full: full of saying hellos and goodbyes -- hearing stories from friends who came back from study-abroad semesters and goodbyes to ones i have lived with for two and a half yeras. it's been full of stress as well with exams and studying, but what comes with that is bonding in jenks and forming friendships over pagesof notes and study sessions. it's been full of packing: putting things in boxes and thinking quickly what i need/don't need/can live without for 8 months and putting it in someone's garage and hoping no animals get into it.

i am thankful for massachusetts and am really going to miss this place: a place that has become a second home to me. i will miss 128 (minus the crazy on ramps), climbing the endless fligh of stairs to get to Laurie's office each week, making dinner in 202 and hearing "my life is in shambles!" over & over again. i'll miss hearing our coffee maker going constantly throughout the day and making the trek to jenks with stops through chester's, lane, and KOSC in an attempt to keep warm. i'll miss seeing familiar faces, talking to my professors, and hanging out in my living room or "the nook."

and now i am thankful for the chance to be HOME: for 12 hours of sleep, home-made split pea soup, time to relax & rest, prepare for another advenutre in a new place: another chance to make new friends & discover a new home.
and hopefully i will learn how to eat my cake and to savor each bite :)

bonding in jenks

i'm not such a fan of the thing called finals.

but i AM a fan of:

pandora music in the background, friends at study tables next to me, getting pumped for CHRISTMAS,

study breaks to the ASC for any kind of snack (however tonight was not a hit: gingerbread tea not so good),

procrastinating by blogging/reading others' blogs, stealing sour skittles/chocolate chips from friends at fellow study tables, twittering, and listening to katy perry's firework for inspiration.

but now i must return to reading about religion & conflict, and other preparations. yikes the semester is almost over!

meaningful words

commonprayer.net is continuing to bless me this morning.

“To love someone is not first of all to do things for them, but to reveal to them their beauty and value, to say to them through our attitude: ‘You are beautiful. You are important. I trust you. You can trust yourself.’ We all know well that we can do things for others and in the process crush them, making them feel that they are incapable of doing things by themselves. To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them.”

--Jean Vanier, founder of the L'Arche communities

fun things

i'm excited for this when i get home:

eloise at christmas is one of my favorites: i can't imagine how much fun it would be to live at a hotel (especially the plaza!) it's simply a delightful film always on during ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas Movie Marathon. watch it.

peppermint hot chocolate: i'll take any kind but nothing beats williams-sonoma hot chocolate and marshmallows. yes, it is ridiculously expensive, but it is also ridiculously delicious (i am REALLY hoping that we get this as a gift from someone this year - it will make me SO. HAPPY.)

side note: no, i am not ready to go home yet - there's too many exciting things happening! (winter ball, pancake breakfast, hanging with the APT, making gingerbread scones for class, finish the course delicious snacks...and finals maybe? not so excited about those)

mildly freaking out

i leave in 2 weeks and while the christmas break usually excites me, this year i just want time to slooooow down. i am leaving gordon not for a short 3-5 week break. i am leaving gordon for 8 months.

holy CRAP

i sat in my politics of the developing world class this morning and almost cried because as excited as i am for the opportunity to study abroad, i am really going to miss this place that has become like home to me. but what is also scary is the fact that when i get back in the fall, certain special people won't be there anymore and things will be different (like they always are). change is inevitable, but it's also scary and i don't feel ready for this kind of change.

it takes me awhile to adjust to things, and i feel like it takes me almost a whole semester to feel rooted and at home, and then i get on a plane to go to the next place. i guess that is what life is supposed to be like though, because you learn and grow the most when you are not in a constant state of comfort.

but i want comfort! i want my current friends, i want my gordon professors, i want to cook for myself, to go to the gym when it works with my schedule, to be able to call my mom whenever i need and watch the tulips bud and crocusses bloom when springtime comes.

next semester will be challenging: making new friends, learning from various instructors/teachers/professors who don't know me and i don't know them, eating and drinking food i am not familiar with and not having the freedom to cook whatever i feel like. i probably won't be exercising a whole lot and i won't be able to call my mom whenever i feel like it. and i will miss galloping across the quad celebrating the east coast spring

while all of those things are true, i have to believe that there are great things in store for me (for us!!) wherever God leads us and he is faithful to provide. yes, it's going to take me awhile to adjust to life in latin america. i'm going to be frustrated, tired, and long for home and my friends and family. i'm going to miss them greatly. but i hope and pray that the experience will be worth it. that it will teach me so much and that when i come back home (home home and gordon home) i will be able to "come home rejoicing: at the wonders he has shown me" (common book of prayer) and i hope to welcome my friends and family with many hugs and hear their rejoicing at the wonders he has shown them.

reflections on exodus

"Therefore I say to the people of Israel: I am the Lord. I will free you from your oppression and will rescue you from your slavery in Egypt. I will redeem you with a powerful arm and great acts of judgment. I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. I will bring you into the land I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you as your very own possession. I am the Lord"

Exodus 6:6-8

Is this not the message of Christmas? I am in Israel: needing freedom from oppression, rescue from slavery, redemption from a powerful arm.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children,

and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts,

forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake

Amen

-Robert Louis Stevenson prayer excerpt

i need thee, oh i need thee, every hour i need thee

this evening i purused some of my favorite bloggers (i might do this a little too often?) and was struck and encouraged by their thoughts on the first day of advent. unfortunately the santa barbara, san francisco, and boston logan airports were the most sacred grounds i stepped on today so i didn't get to hear about advent from the pulpit...but their reflections were powerful.

i haven't always been a big fan of liturgy, but these prayers were deep and at the same time simple and resonated with me:

Almighty God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which the Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility...

-Book of Common Prayer of the Anglican Tradition 1979 edition

i really need Christ's help to "cast away the works of darkness and put upon the armor of light." i need a savior.

Lord, just as your love knows no bounds and finds endless ways to reveal itself, so help us to express a gratitude too deep for words. Help us to reveal our thanksgiving in the countless ways there are to love others, to provide for those in need, to serve where service is rare. Amen.

-Book of Common Prayer (prayer for others)

i really need Christ's help to "express gratitude too deep for words" (do i even have gratitude too deep for words??) i need a savior.

perhaps my favorite part about the daily book of common prayer (here online!!) is the concluding lines at the end of each prayer - they go like this:

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you: wherever he may send you;

May he guide you through the wilderness: protect you through the storm;

May he bring you home rejoicing: at the wonders he has shown you;

May he bring you home rejoicing: once again into our doors.

maybe i am taking this a part too much, but it says "may he bring you home rejoicing" twice. and if i was in my AP lit class, when you see repetition, that has to mean something: and i think that it really does here: REJOICE. REJOICE in what God has done, rejoice in what he has taught, rejoice in how he has shown his faithfulness, goodness, love, care & provision. regardless of the circumstances, REJOICE!

i want to rejoice

i want to "cast away the works of darkness and put upon the armor of light"

i want to "express gratitude too deep for words"

i want to "reveal thanksgiving in the countless ways there are to love others, to provide for those in need, to serve where service is rare."

but i can't do any of that. i need help. a lot of help.

right now it is november 29th and i am grateful to be in the advent season with an awareness (however not nearly great enough) that i need a savior. desperately and completely. i need a savior to save me from myself, my selfishness, my sin, my disappointment, my failure. i hope that this advent season i learn more about my need for Jesus, but that i would REJOICE in his abundance, and not wollow in sorrow over sin, but REJOICE in the truth that he has come and he is coming again.

that is reason for celebration!

a lovely saturday evening

My Saturday afternoon was different than usual, but quite delightful just the same. Julia and Dana came over and cooked with me and after enjoying some delicious potatoes and garlic from the Boston Farmer’s Market (and hors d’oeuvres of avocado-turned-guacamole and sliced mango – did summer return??), we watched the movie “What Women Want” on TNT and ate some of Dana’s delicious crescent roll turned cookie creations.

They left around 10 and I had the apartment to myself. The funny thing was I didn’t really know what to do with myself: I wasn’t ready for bed, I wasn’t really in the mood to just watch TV, and I really didn’t have homework that needed to get done until the next day – and my apartment was all out for the night. So, with the TNT beginning a new film (“The Holiday”), I created a little craft station for myself and made two little paper Christmas trees (with ornaments of course). After that was done, I realized how much I love “The Holiday” and propped up pillows and my big pink, fluffy down comforter and got cozy on the couch to watch this movie.

Some of the reasons as to why I love this film:

--Jude Law is in it: he is incredibly attractive. He has a British accent. He “weeps.” Need I say more?

--Iris (Kate Winslet) befriends this adorable old man right next door and watching them interacting and getting to know each other just makes me so happy

--I love the scene when Iris finally says no to Jasper, the jerk whom she can’t fall out of love with no matter how awful he treats her

--the music: beautiful and peaceful

--gets me into the Christmas spirit

I watched this movie all cozied up and was just SO HAPPY. I know that there are many more exciting things I could have been doing on a Saturday night, but I had a delightful night with just myself…it was so weird to actually feel bored and then to snuggle up on the couch (I LOVE living in an apartment!!) and watch a good movie and then go to bed around 1 am.

I love adventure and doing fun and crazy things, but I also love nights in the house, watching movies, doing crafts, baking, etc. and I’m learning that I don’t need to be “productive” every second of my life. It’s okay to be lazy sometimes, to eat brownies and chocolate chip cookies without going to the gym, to decide to procrastinate a little on my homework so that I can spend some quality time with friends, and to not set my alarm clock. I think that it’s good for me to not always maximize every second of my time because it shows that the world doesn’t revolve around me and how well I do things – because no matter how much I get done, it is never sufficient and always fails in comparison to the glory of Christ. If I focus too much on how much I’m getting done, I may forget WHO I’m getting it done for: myself or for the kingdom of God.

I am thankful for spare time: empty time: time that doesn’t need to get filled. Because empty time is often just as important as “productive time.”

off to hogwarts!

how could a book go wrong with names like bellatrix lestrange, rita skeeter, luna lovegood, hagrid, mad-eyed-moody, and an owl named hedwig?

the answer is simply that it can't

me (preppy hogwarts student) with my own rita skeeter

snitch (marieke), harry (matt), and rita

marieke and i preparing for the adventure

rita + the peacock quill = brilliant

i was never one of those die-hard harry potter fans, but i loved (and still love these books). i read the first three, took a short hiatus because they were getting a little dark, and then hopped back on and read the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh pretty quickly. there's something about a story like harry potter - it's one of those stories where you say you're going to read one more chapter and it turns into 5 chapters. kelsey is the biggest HP fan in our family - and she has re-read most of the books at least once. (she helped re-cap me on some of the important events of the 7th book).

i love those books that take you through so many different places and when they reach the climax you're in this completely different emotional state and it's so hard to see that last blank page.

i've never been a big fan of the movies because i loved the books so much, but i did enjoy part 1 last night (although it is really just setting everything up for part 2 come july 2011!). watching the movie made me remember how much i love these books...and how magical they really are.

so, thank you jk rowling for creating this story. you are brilliant

HOME

i just can't wait to see these faces in ONE. WEEK!!

it's been about 3 months since i have seen them last, which feels like forever ago...but on the other hand i really can't believe that this semester is almost over and i will be moving out in a few weeks (yikes!)

homesickness has come and gone in different ways for me during college...my first semester of freshman year was interesting because i wasn't really homesick until the very end of the semester. i think i was so absorbed with the "newness" of living on the east coast, exploring the area, and seeing how different everything looked. second semester was definitely harder (the winter gloom certainly did take its toll on me), but it was helpful to come home for spring break and make the semester seem a little shorter.

this semester i have felt homesick more so than last fall since last year my family came out for homecoming weekend. while it is difficult to be so far away from my family, it is so much more exciting to come home when you have been gone for longer periods of time. i am really looking forward to thanksgiving this year and have so much to be thankful for. i am excited to see some of my extended family, to cook and bake with my mom and libby (maybe kelsey will enter the kitchen if we entice her in some way ;)), chat with my Dad, and see kelsey's new college home.

my friend, hilary, who is studying abroad in DC this semester, wrote something really beautiful in her blog recently (well, actually all of her blog posts are great because she can express things so well!) about travel and home that i absolutely loved. she asks

"why do we travel? it complicates everything...maybe we travel to know what we love in the place we left behind us. maybe we travel because God has made a big wide world and wants us to enjoy it. maybe we travel because it helps us find echoes of ourselves in unexpected places. i hope that i continue to travel for all these reasons, but most importantly i hope i continue to travel to change the meaning of home."

i love how she says "echoes of ourselves in unexpected places" because i have experienced this living in massachusetts. i've found a new "home" in wenham: when i fly into logan airport i am excited to drive along the highway and see the exit signs for "Gloucester" and "Peabody" that have become so familiar to me. i feel at home when i am in the presence of my friends and i feel at home when i am studying in jenks, sitting in chaps or running to west beach. home for me is starting to mean different places and people, and i am grateful to know that God is with me in the midst of that transience, moving, discerning, discovering, and learning...because as fun and exciting as traveling and new things are, there is always a part of me that is homesick and longing for regularity and familiarity. exploring is exciting, but the leaving is always bittersweet.

so, i am excited to be going home. to be with my family and friends who have known me for most of my life and to eat turkey and stuffing around the table laughing and sharing stories. but i'm grateful that as i travel and experience new things, i don't do it alone. God is always faithful to lead me to people and fellowship that helps me to transition and grow, and to show me how much i need him, no matter where my home is.

i want to fall in love

..and no i don't mean having the BF (although i am not opposed to that), but rather falling in love with...

Latin America ..eating beans and rice, going to a catholic church maybe?, learning about US foreign policy in this region, some of the socio-economic issues and hardships, the joys of living in such a beautiful place

Spanish ..speaking, writing, maybe dreaming?? in spanish. one of my favorite parts about being in guatemala was speaking spanish and being able to have conversations with others in a different language. i can't wait for that!

a new country ..i hope to learn about the fun restaurants, parks, beaches, that are a part of this special place. i hope it starts to feel a little like home when i'm there, where i feel like i know my new "neighborhood" and who the people are who live next door

a new family ..learn new recipes, talk in spanish about their lives, learn from how they live and do daily activities, live life in a new way

new friends ..classes, discussions, travel with new people i hope to learn so much from and hope to continue to keep in touch with after the program.

a completely different life for 4 months. and i want to fall in love with it all. to learn, to laugh, to appreciate, to see, taste, touch, enjoy, question, struggle, hope, and come away with new perspectives and thoughts. i don't want to under-estimate the challenges of living in a different country away from my family and friends and familiarity, i know that i should expect and be prepared for those trials to come. but i am excited to experience life in a completely new place and let it become my home. i want to take advantage of all of the different opportunities there and to learn and grow.

i am SO. EXCITED!

count your blessings

why should i be surprised by God's goodness and grace to me? he promises his abundance and i should expect and trust that he will provide - from the smallest details to my biggest concerns and worries.

last week was mental health week and i helped organize a chapel service talking about suffering and God's faithfulness and presence amidst those difficult circumstances. with the help of some knowledgeable people, i was able to receive submissions from students and their stories/poetry/song lyrics were read at evening chapel by other students. putting this service together was fairly last minute and i didn't know exactly what was going to be read until the sunday or monday before the service (which was wednesday). i certainly do not enjoy doing things last minute, but God was faithful and the pieces read were moving to me - and i know others were touched as well.

i was worried about timing (we were alloted a certain amount of time and i didn't want to go over/under it), and it was perfectly within the time frame.

i was worried about the readers coming and how the readings would flow from one to another and everyone came in perfect timing and the microphone was passed smoothly.

i was concerned about how this service would fit with the overall theme of "mental health week" and didn't want it to seem like it was focusing on mental health concerns, but rather suffering in general -- and i think & hope that students were able to hear these stories/thoughts, be encouraged, and realize that mental health issues are an example of pain, but that there is so much more to discuss in terms of suffering and faith.

there were some other events throughout the week - a showing of "A Beautiful Mind," a speaker in chapel on Monday, Q&A with a counselor and Psych professor, and it seemed like these activities were well-attended and hopefully beneficial :) I was also greatly helped by the chapel office secretary in formating a Q&A pamphlet with the counseling center. all in all, i was encouraged by God's faithfulness and provisions and know that he answered my prayers, specifically with the evening chapel service and listening to my requests for a smooth and glorifying service.

And more blessings...last night we had a meeting with the peer mentors on campus. there were five mentors who could come and we talked in the student ministries lounge over M&M's (my absolute favorite!) and pumpkin bars (new recipe--thanks mom!) about their experiences mentoring. while not everyone has the easiest experience, there were a few who talked about how well things are going and how much they enjoy meeting with their mentee. the matching process is the part of my job (as an intern) that i like the least because it is stressful and hard to know "who would be good with who." but when i hear about really good conversations and fellowship, see mentors & mentees meeting in lane over breakfast or coffee, i get really excited! i know that God was and is in COMPLETE control of the matching process - there is no doubt in my mind. in the midst of matching i feel uncertain, but am now so certain of God's wisdom in facilitating mentoring relationships through us.

why does he use us? i don't understand, but i am excited to be a part of his work and stand back amazed at his gifts of blessing and faithfulness.

"trust in the Lord with all of your heart. do not depend on your own understanding. seek his will in all of you do, and he will show you which path to take" -Proverbs 3:5-6

emociones

i am feeling a swarm of emotions as i type this post on a surprisingly warm wednesday afternoon.

grateful: for being a political science major. i love my major and have been blessed by intriguing discussions in class - particularly yesterday in my religion & international affairs class when we talked about samuel huntington's "clash of civilizations" thesis. this class has been so interesting as we have discussed church-state relations, the struggle for Muslim immigrants to assimilate into western countries, and the presence of Christianity moving away from the west but into the "global south." much of the material we read is above my head, but i love drinking tea at 9:45 am with 5 other classmates and a professor and discussing issues about religion and politics that are prevalent to so many aspects of life. i am excited for tomorrow's class.

i have LOVED getting to know the poli sci faculty here - i am blessed by conversations with them and how much advice and support they have given me. whether it's talking about classes, internships, or life after college, i have learned so much.

anxious: i have been working with some people on campus for gordon's upcoming mental health week. i am passionate and invested in this issue, but am also nervous about what will happen next week. i hope that God uses some of the events to show his faithfulness and love amidst suffering and confusion. i am grateful to be at a campus that is willing to dialogue about important matters such as these.

slightly bored: with apartment cooking - i still have not mastered the art of buying the right ingredients and making them last for different recipes (so they don't rot and i don't have to throw away my chicken like yesterday). however, i am an excellent pasta maker (but who isn't??) and i did make maris and i some pretty awesome yams on monday night :)

amazed: at how beautiful my sisters are. just saw pics of lib at the homecoming dance and she was stunning - i wish i could have been there (maybe she will do a fashion show for me when i come home? ;) haha i doubt it) i love them both so much and am so amazed at how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

curious: to better understand the gospel and what it means to live it as i am reading tim keller's Prodigal God. this short book is simple, yet challenging and really asks if we comprehend Jesus' message and the sacrifice He made.

and for one final emotion...

excited: for LASP in january! currently i have been doing lots of paperwork which is not very exciting, but i am priviledged to be able to study abroad next spring and am eager to see what God will teach me while i am in latin america. i can't wait to speak spanish with my host family and to learn about the history and culture of latin america.

¡Ojo!

during my internship two summers ago, i worked in the youth ministry at my church and we studied A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson. throughout the summer when something was particularly meaningful in the book, my bosses would say "oh euge.." or "oh gene.." i read this passage from a friend's blog the other day and had an "oh euge" moment because these words are so powerful:

my counsel for you is simple and straightforward: just go ahead with what you've been given. you received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. you're deeply rooted in him. you're well constructed upon him. you know your way around the faith. now do what you've been taught. school's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! and let your living spill over into thanksgiving. (colossians 2:6-7 the message)

this weekend i am thankful for..

• getting in to the city and shopping with naomi :)
• trader joe's and pumpkin butter
• the beauty that is new england and having a lovely run in the woods this afternoon
• watching the documentary food, inc. which was both enlightening and disheartening
• starbuck's pumpkin spice lattes
• new favorite song: girl you're amazing by bruno mars

i want to become a more thankful person. i struggle with discontentment - as i compare myself to others or just getting so absorbed in what i am doing that i forget to look up and see what is going on around me and the beauty and blessings that God has given me. so often Bible passages will seem to say directly to me "Look! Look at what is going on around you, look at what you have been given, look at what is in store for you" ... and now the task is to LIVE it. God has given me what i need, he has assigned me my portion and my cup (psalm 16:5) and he wants me to live securely (as the psalm says) in what he has given me.

with love, new england

for those wondering why i love living in new england... look no further

can these colors BEEE any more vivid and wonderful??

i think not, chandler bing

dear new england, i love you back

missing home

this weekend last year my family came up to visit me and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. - it was a perfect vacation in so many ways...so today i am missing them lots but have enjoyed hanging out with my friends' families :)

christian leadership

i had never read henri nouwen before until i was given his small book, In the Name of Jesus. I have heard him quoted often, but i was blessed by reading one of his works, which explores the necessity of being humble in christian leadership.

"Here we touch the most important quality of Christian leadership in the future. It is not a leadership of power and control, but a leadership of powerlessness and humility in which the suffering servant of God, Jesus Christ, is made manifest...I am speaking of a leadership in which power is constantly abandoned in favor of love. It is a true spiritual discipline. Powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone else make decisions for them. They refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him wherever he guides them, always trusting that, with him, they will find life and find it abundantly" (82-84)

Thank you for the inspiration Mr. Nouwen .. the challenge for me now is living this out: powerless and humble, deeply in love with Jesus. i have a long way to go :)

deep love

Ephesians 3: 18-19

"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should,

how wide,

how long,

how high,

and how deep his love is.

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to

understand fully.

Then you will be made

complete

with all the

fullness of life

and power that comes from God."

While I say that God loves me fully and completely, I don't think I always live like I believe this. I live in fear; fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of disappointment and failure. I live in loneliness and brokenness, wanting desperately to be known by myself and others, but often feeling misunderstood. I had a good conversation today with a special mentor and she and i talked about what our greatest desires are as humans: to be loved and to be known. I couldn't relate more to this desire to feel loved completely and wholly and to be satisfied by a relationship with someone who knows me and loves me for me. I often find myself looking for this love in the wrong places when I should be focusing on the One who love me the most and knows me completely. His love is deep and it reaches every part of me -- especially the places where I am hurting and feel the most confused and alone. I want to meditate on this verse from Ephesians...and I know that I will never be able to fully experience this deep and powerful love of God because it is too big for my tiny self to comprehend. But I hope to grow in the knowledge of Christ and live loved: knowing that I (we!! -- if anyone is reading this :)) are loved deeply, completely, and wholly and that He is the only one who can satisfy.

for kelsey

This special lady turned 18 a few days ago.

I am blessed to have 2 amazing sisters. They make me laugh and give me such joy every

day. Today I will highlight Miss Kelsey Lynne -- born approximately 2.5 years after me.

Kelsey and I are quite different from each other in many respects:

• she is a procrastinator; i like to get things done early (it freaks me out if i leave it to the last minute -- she thrives on that kind of adrenaline)
• kelsey doesn't care if clothes cover her room; i like to keep things clean & neat
• kbakes is a free spirit; i am much more uptight

and on to some specific "kelsey things" that make her unique & special:

• she loves sports movies, in particular: "Remember the Titans" and "Miracle" .. she actually nicknamed it "RTT"
• she LOVES trader joe's mochi and will send you money any time you go to trader's to get some
• she refuses to cook..although i am sure she would be quite good at it if she tried ;)
• she has the best nicknames for everything
• she knows how to dance and has the best play list on her ipod (i am missing this as i live far away from her - my times at the gym are not the same)

these are some of the funnier things about kbakes/kelbell/sugar bean (yes, her nicknaming skills have rubbed off on me and i have tried to follow suit), but you

also gotta know that she has many remarkable qualities: she is warm & friendly, she loves people and makes them feel comfortable, she is caring and intentional, she is loving and self-sacrificing...and she is a wonderful sister. as we have both gotten older, i have loved having a sister who is also a dear friend...someone who knows me and makes fun of me because she knows all of the weird things i do and loves me despite it all. while i don't think i could ever share a room with her again (our definition of "clean" is rather different), i always look forward to my times with her and my other younger sister as well (yes, libby will get a special post on her birthday too! :))

So, cheers to kelsey moo who is now a legal adult! i love her dearly and am blessed to have her in my life.

hymns

Feeling a little stressed this evening as I hang out in jenks…so hey, why not take some time to blog? Seemed like a good solution to me J

We sang a hymn that really made me happy last week: "The Church’s One Foundation." I think I got excited about it because shalom was still on my mind and this hymn talks about the unity of Christ. Although that doesn’t seem like it relates to peace, I think it just magnified Jesus’ love and ability to be a God of all nations, no matter our differences (culture, ethnicity, socio-economic status, etc. etc.). It also made me think of my dear grandmother who absolutely LOVES hymns…and I could just picture her playing on the piano and singing away. As a matter of fact, my other grandmother loves hymns as well and I always like to see their excitement when they play them in Church (this is not a common occurence in my Church, and if we do sing them, it is usually with guitar and piano) I would not consider myself a usual hymn-lover, but I think if I try a little harder to pay attention to the words of these songs, I will appreciate them a lot more and see their truth and light…I’ll keep working on that one J

The Church’s One Foundation (#277)

The Church’s one foundation is Jesus Christ her Lord;
She is His new creation by water and the word:
From heav’n He came and sought her to be His holy bride;
With his own blood he bought her, and for her life He died

Elect from every nation, yet one o’er all the earth,
Her charter of salvation One Lord, one faith, one birth;
One holy name she blesses, partakes one holy flood, and to one hope she presses,with every grace endured

‘Mid toil and tribulation and tumult of her war,
she waits the consummation of peace forever more;
till with the vision glorious her longing eyes are blest,
and the great Church victorious shall be the Church at rest

Yet she on earth hath union with God the Three in one,
and mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won:
O happy ones and holy! Lord, give us grace that we,
like them, the meek and lowly, on high may dwell with Thee
A-men

shalom

i wish blogspot.com let me put shalom in cursive .. it would be so much more fitting, but alas, this will have to do.

The latest issue of “Stillpoint” (Gordon College's periodical) made me think a little bit about peace...and i was grateful that it opened my eyes to a more expansive definition of peace.

Living and learning at a Christian liberal arts school has challenged, encouraged, and nurtured my faith in many areas and i am so grateful for the many classes, lectures, and discussions that i have been able to be a part of. sometimes though, i struggle with frequent dialogue about world issues that occurs often in chapel, convocation, classes, etc. I struggle with it partly because these issues are so big and i have no idea how to even begin to pray/think about what to do (and my failure is simply to move on and pray about things that i see as having more immediate relevance to my life), and partly because there exists so much brokenness locally on campus and in relationships. i believe that world issues matter deeply to Christ, but that we also need to realize brokenness in our own communities and relationships that are taking place right here on campus. I like how Dr. Wilson puts shalom in a bigger context in his article:

What does it mean, as ministers of reconciliation, to bring shalom to this world? The Hebrew term properly means “wholeness,” “well-being,” or “perfection.” Shalom includes friendship, harmony, and health. Though personal sins and societal imperfections now often thwart shalom, the prophetic vision of shalom will one day not be denied: harmonious relations within a fully redeemed, restored and perfect world. Ultimately He shall “speak peace to the nations” (Zechariah 9:10) and they “will not learn war anymore” (Isaiah 2:4). As agents of peace and reconciliation, we presently await its culmination.

-Dr. Marvin Wilson, Peace That Passes Understanding: Toward a Theology of Peacemaking, StillPoint Spring 2010, Volume 25, No. 2

Wholeness, well-being, perfection. are these words not our greatest desires for ourselves? i long to be whole and complete, to have peace between myself & others (or simply peace within myself). i want so desperately to be perfect but i fail time and time again. but... i am excited that i serve a God who is a peacemaker and cares deeply about peace -- not just peace around the world, but peace within myself and with others. he cares about my relationships, my community here at gordon and at home, and he wants peace to exist there - and all across the globe. henri nouwen has a quote that is quite relevant to this...he says in his short book In the Name of Jesus, "The knowledge of Jesus' heart is a knowledge of the heart. And when we live in the world with that knowledge, we cannot do other than bring healing, reconciliation, new life, and hope wherever we go" (41).

i have struggled to write this blog post for a week now because i don't really know how to express how i feel about these quotes/articles that i read...but i guess this will have to do...i have a lot to learn about peace but i am grateful to be surrounded by people and books who can teach me :)