emociones

i am feeling a swarm of emotions as i type this post on a surprisingly warm wednesday afternoon.

grateful: for being a political science major. i love my major and have been blessed by intriguing discussions in class - particularly yesterday in my religion & international affairs class when we talked about samuel huntington's "clash of civilizations" thesis. this class has been so interesting as we have discussed church-state relations, the struggle for Muslim immigrants to assimilate into western countries, and the presence of Christianity moving away from the west but into the "global south." much of the material we read is above my head, but i love drinking tea at 9:45 am with 5 other classmates and a professor and discussing issues about religion and politics that are prevalent to so many aspects of life. i am excited for tomorrow's class.

i have LOVED getting to know the poli sci faculty here - i am blessed by conversations with them and how much advice and support they have given me. whether it's talking about classes, internships, or life after college, i have learned so much.

anxious: i have been working with some people on campus for gordon's upcoming mental health week. i am passionate and invested in this issue, but am also nervous about what will happen next week. i hope that God uses some of the events to show his faithfulness and love amidst suffering and confusion. i am grateful to be at a campus that is willing to dialogue about important matters such as these.

slightly bored: with apartment cooking - i still have not mastered the art of buying the right ingredients and making them last for different recipes (so they don't rot and i don't have to throw away my chicken like yesterday). however, i am an excellent pasta maker (but who isn't??) and i did make maris and i some pretty awesome yams on monday night :)

amazed: at how beautiful my sisters are. just saw pics of lib at the homecoming dance and she was stunning - i wish i could have been there (maybe she will do a fashion show for me when i come home? ;) haha i doubt it) i love them both so much and am so amazed at how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

curious: to better understand the gospel and what it means to live it as i am reading tim keller's Prodigal God. this short book is simple, yet challenging and really asks if we comprehend Jesus' message and the sacrifice He made.

and for one final emotion...

excited: for LASP in january! currently i have been doing lots of paperwork which is not very exciting, but i am priviledged to be able to study abroad next spring and am eager to see what God will teach me while i am in latin america. i can't wait to speak spanish with my host family and to learn about the history and culture of latin america.

¡Ojo!

during my internship two summers ago, i worked in the youth ministry at my church and we studied A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson. throughout the summer when something was particularly meaningful in the book, my bosses would say "oh euge.." or "oh gene.." i read this passage from a friend's blog the other day and had an "oh euge" moment because these words are so powerful:

my counsel for you is simple and straightforward: just go ahead with what you've been given. you received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. you're deeply rooted in him. you're well constructed upon him. you know your way around the faith. now do what you've been taught. school's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! and let your living spill over into thanksgiving. (colossians 2:6-7 the message)

this weekend i am thankful for..

• getting in to the city and shopping with naomi :)
• trader joe's and pumpkin butter
• the beauty that is new england and having a lovely run in the woods this afternoon
• watching the documentary food, inc. which was both enlightening and disheartening
• starbuck's pumpkin spice lattes
• new favorite song: girl you're amazing by bruno mars

i want to become a more thankful person. i struggle with discontentment - as i compare myself to others or just getting so absorbed in what i am doing that i forget to look up and see what is going on around me and the beauty and blessings that God has given me. so often Bible passages will seem to say directly to me "Look! Look at what is going on around you, look at what you have been given, look at what is in store for you" ... and now the task is to LIVE it. God has given me what i need, he has assigned me my portion and my cup (psalm 16:5) and he wants me to live securely (as the psalm says) in what he has given me.

with love, new england

for those wondering why i love living in new england... look no further

can these colors BEEE any more vivid and wonderful??

i think not, chandler bing

dear new england, i love you back

missing home

this weekend last year my family came up to visit me and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. - it was a perfect vacation in so many ways...so today i am missing them lots but have enjoyed hanging out with my friends' families :)

christian leadership

i had never read henri nouwen before until i was given his small book, In the Name of Jesus. I have heard him quoted often, but i was blessed by reading one of his works, which explores the necessity of being humble in christian leadership.

"Here we touch the most important quality of Christian leadership in the future. It is not a leadership of power and control, but a leadership of powerlessness and humility in which the suffering servant of God, Jesus Christ, is made manifest...I am speaking of a leadership in which power is constantly abandoned in favor of love. It is a true spiritual discipline. Powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone else make decisions for them. They refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him wherever he guides them, always trusting that, with him, they will find life and find it abundantly" (82-84)

Thank you for the inspiration Mr. Nouwen .. the challenge for me now is living this out: powerless and humble, deeply in love with Jesus. i have a long way to go :)

deep love

Ephesians 3: 18-19

"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should,

how wide,

how long,

how high,

and how deep his love is.

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to

understand fully.

Then you will be made

complete

with all the

fullness of life

and power that comes from God."

While I say that God loves me fully and completely, I don't think I always live like I believe this. I live in fear; fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of disappointment and failure. I live in loneliness and brokenness, wanting desperately to be known by myself and others, but often feeling misunderstood. I had a good conversation today with a special mentor and she and i talked about what our greatest desires are as humans: to be loved and to be known. I couldn't relate more to this desire to feel loved completely and wholly and to be satisfied by a relationship with someone who knows me and loves me for me. I often find myself looking for this love in the wrong places when I should be focusing on the One who love me the most and knows me completely. His love is deep and it reaches every part of me -- especially the places where I am hurting and feel the most confused and alone. I want to meditate on this verse from Ephesians...and I know that I will never be able to fully experience this deep and powerful love of God because it is too big for my tiny self to comprehend. But I hope to grow in the knowledge of Christ and live loved: knowing that I (we!! -- if anyone is reading this :)) are loved deeply, completely, and wholly and that He is the only one who can satisfy.

for kelsey

This special lady turned 18 a few days ago.

I am blessed to have 2 amazing sisters. They make me laugh and give me such joy every

day. Today I will highlight Miss Kelsey Lynne -- born approximately 2.5 years after me.

Kelsey and I are quite different from each other in many respects:

• she is a procrastinator; i like to get things done early (it freaks me out if i leave it to the last minute -- she thrives on that kind of adrenaline)
• kelsey doesn't care if clothes cover her room; i like to keep things clean & neat
• kbakes is a free spirit; i am much more uptight

and on to some specific "kelsey things" that make her unique & special:

• she loves sports movies, in particular: "Remember the Titans" and "Miracle" .. she actually nicknamed it "RTT"
• she LOVES trader joe's mochi and will send you money any time you go to trader's to get some
• she refuses to cook..although i am sure she would be quite good at it if she tried ;)
• she has the best nicknames for everything
• she knows how to dance and has the best play list on her ipod (i am missing this as i live far away from her - my times at the gym are not the same)

these are some of the funnier things about kbakes/kelbell/sugar bean (yes, her nicknaming skills have rubbed off on me and i have tried to follow suit), but you

also gotta know that she has many remarkable qualities: she is warm & friendly, she loves people and makes them feel comfortable, she is caring and intentional, she is loving and self-sacrificing...and she is a wonderful sister. as we have both gotten older, i have loved having a sister who is also a dear friend...someone who knows me and makes fun of me because she knows all of the weird things i do and loves me despite it all. while i don't think i could ever share a room with her again (our definition of "clean" is rather different), i always look forward to my times with her and my other younger sister as well (yes, libby will get a special post on her birthday too! :))

So, cheers to kelsey moo who is now a legal adult! i love her dearly and am blessed to have her in my life.