On Learning to Listen

I love spending time with my grandparents. I love letter writing to my grandma up in Oregon and drinking lattes with my Grandma in Orange County and watching my Grandpa laugh at Kelsey's jokes. They're really special people. They make me laugh and smile and have a way about about them that's different than anyone else I know. 

We spent Thanksgiving with my grandparents in Orange County this past week and I had a conversation with my grandpa that really struck me and continues to be on my heart and mind.

Grandpa and I were in the kitchen, or somewhere else in the house, and he looked at me and told me about his conversation with a colleague earlier that morning. He said:

"I realized as I was talking to her how differently she is thinking about this situation. Her perspective is different from mine. I wish, Alyssa, that we could have talked during the election because it's interesting to hear from people who think differently from me."

My grandfather is in his 80s. How many 80-somethings do you know who would say something like this to their granddaughter? My grandfather is very well-educated not only academically, but as a father, mentor, business leader and advisor. He's done a lot of cool things and met some awesome people and has great stories to prove it. And for some reason, he wanted to know what this young and inexperienced 22-year-old thought.

Wow.

I think the idea of elephant ears is usually attached to eavesdropping....but I'm changing it because I love elephants and I think their ears are cute and huge which is a perfect illustration. I'm inspired this week to have elephant ears like my grandpa does. Ears that are big and want to listen earnestly. Ears that want to be taught by those who think differently.

I think my age group and my grandpa's age group might have the hardest time listening. When you're in your 80s you've held many jobs and voted in countless elections and seen or fought in wars. You've watched a lot of babies grow up and you've been to a lot of funerals too. You've shared a lot of joy and endured great heartache. You've seen a lot and learned a lot and you're pretty content with that knowledge quota.

And us early 20-year-olds? We're a bit smart-assy. We just graduated college and studied abroad and took classes about world development and gender issues and political systems. We lived on our own and made good and bad choices and endured the consequences. We get it and we're ready to conquer the world - no more listening required.

My grandpa has seen a lot. But he's still eager to listen.
And I want to follow in that example of seeking to listen and learn from others who are different from me - others who are older than me or who voted very differently than I did. That's so much easier said than done...sometimes that listening involves patience through long ramblings, sometimes it involves ideas that I find completely crazy, and sometimes it involves a lot of courage, especially when those ideas sound a bit strange and scary.

I'm so thankful for my grandpa's big listening ears and I hope that I learn to hear in the same way.

Suitcases

There's a box inside my parents' garage that houses our camping gear and all of our suitcases. I have become very accustomed to this particular location in the garage -- it's where I would go each time I was getting ready to head to Boston or to Costa Rica, or even for the quick trips to Grandpa and Grandma's house. This weekend I got our our tent out for a weekend camping trip and as I was moving the suitcases around to get to the tent, I realized that I don't have any immediate plans to be using my suitcase.

And I felt a great sense of relief and peace about that.

I realize that's not a common feeling -- aren't most 20-somethings just antsy to move and go and be anywhere but in a familiar place? Granted, I still want to travel and have dreams of living abroad short-term for Spanish language study. I'm counting the days until I head east to see my friends and watch the sunrise on the North Shore. But I feel enormously grateful right now to be in one place without a need to be packing and unpacking, purchasing plane tickets, and transitioning from one home to the other.

My suitcase carried my heart from place to place and got all my clothes and jewelry and favorite sweaters and Lauren Conrad jeans safely across the miles. I never once lost a suitcase in my travels, and was always quick to spot a ginormous bag with a purple ribbon tied around it (strategically thought of by my mother for easy spotting) as it made it's way through the carousel.

Each time I got from Santa Barbara to Boston or Boston to Santa Barbara, I was quick to unpack in this specific way:
Step One: dump all of my crap out on the floor
Step Two: quickly put the suitcase away (in the garage, or under my bed at school)
Step Three: unpack

I always wanted that suitcase out of sight as quickly as possible...partly because I am a bit of a neat freak and like things to be put in their place as fast as possible. But the other reason is that I wanted to quickly acclimate to my new place and not think about the next time I was moving again. The suitcase sitting in the corner of my room would just remind me that I had to pack and unpack again and that just sounds a bit exhausting.

Do I sound like a an old lady who has reached her "travel limit"? Maybe...but that's not my point. I've discovered that traveling from place to place is beautiful and the places and people you discover along the way is incredibly meaningful. I've also discovered that planting yourself in one place is a good thing too and for me personally, gives a sense of peace and excitement for investing in a community in one place.

I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm thankful that for now, the suitcase can stay in the garage and be used for shorter trips instead of the long and tearful goodbye ones. I'm thankful for the chance to invest in relationships in Santa Barbara and to be close to family. I miss so much about the East Coast, but I am at peace with being here and letting this become my home. Thanks be to God.

California Seasons

Something VERY exciting happened in my house on Friday:

We turned the heater on for the first time this fall!! 

While that fact might not seem to be exciting, it signaled a change in the weather patterns here in Santa Barbara, California. I am ready to be done with 80-degree Sundays. As beautiful as they are, they are not for November (but my dad and I did enjoy an ocean swim last Sunday since it was so warm!!). 

Nothing compares to New England fall. Santa Barbara certainly can't compete in the color/fall crisp-ness/leaf color craziness category, BUT...SB proves to have some seasonal beauty that I am very grateful for and am looking forward to appreciating as I live here during the fall/winter months (first time in 5 years. Yikes!)

I love the way the sunlight is different in the fall and winter months. I love having the sun just rising and the sky sort of pinkish as I'm heading to work and the way the sun hits the plants in our backyard in the afternoon. I can't really describe it..but it's different and beautiful.

In the fall and winter months, SB is usually spared of FOG so the mountains stand against the blue ocean and you can actually see the Channel Islands. It's incredible. The summer months in SB are usually plagued with fog for the first part of the day (sometimes even into the afternoon), so the fall/winter clear skies provide breathtaking views.

 You can see a little bit of leaf change at the top of our maple sweet gum tree (thanks for the correction, Dad!) in the backyard and the purple-ish leaves of the ornamental plum tree (the purple color feels sort of fall-like to me)

The maple tree has plenty of leaves below it and the green is turning yellow - slowly but surely!

And, I'm living with my mother again and she has impeccable taste in seasonal decorating. There is no shortage of pumpkin love in our house.

I realize that so much of what I love about the winter and fall coziness at home is a privilege -- things like heat, and warm tea at night, and electricity for when the sun goes down at 5 pm. I am so thankful for these gifts and getting to experience some seasonal beauties here in Southern California.

Goodbye Election Shenanigans (for now)

November 4th came...and went. And I am so thankful for that fact.

I have had some really good conversations about the election, the issues most commonly discussed, and the candidates themselves. I have also read many disheartening commentaries and comments from people that have made me frustrated and sad. Unfortunately I think election season can bring out the worst in us...but hopefully the future will prove that wrong (I'm really, really hoping).

I graduated from college with a degree in Political Science. It's funny the reaction many people (and for good reason) give me when they hear this. They think I must be super excited about the election, about American political dynamics, what the candidates said in the debates, etc. etc. And all of this is somewhat true -- I did watch the debates (and live tweeted too!), I am interested in political dynamics and what candidates are saying and doing. However, being a political science major made me want more from political discussion -- and that "something more" continues to be absent in the political discussions I read about in the newspapers and on BBC.com.

In my Poli Sci classes we talked about the state and society -- what is the purpose of government? of social structures? of communities, organizations, families, schools? How do these different entities fit together? How do they support each other/relate to one another? We talked about the public good, about justice -- and how the the state, organizations, and families should seek to pursue justice in their respective capacities (and those pursuits will look different from one another).

When my aunt visited my family after my sophomore year in college, she asked me what I had learned in college so far and I said something along the lines of "life is complex" -- and studying politics was one of the most vivid example of that to me. I have taken classes emphasizing the importance of free trade, listened to Latin Americas who have been abused by unfair fair-trade policies, and interned at a think tank that strongly emphasized private markets in the healthcare sector. And I see truth in these varying view points: truth in the purpose of the market, but truth in its abuse and the heartbreaking reality that people do suffer when the market is abused or misused.

But when I open the newspaper to read about political discussions happening, we're avoiding the complexity -- we're not talking about justice and fairness, but instead individualism versus conservatism. It's pro-market or pro-government, which is robbing both the government and the market of their important role in society. When we talk about complex issues like immigration, taxes, education reform, health care policy, the solutions involve more than a "left" or "right" answer. When we talk about fiscal responsibility, we have to move beyond simply taxes and welfare programs and look at the broader purposes of government and social structures -- and how the two ought to interact. When we talk about winning the women vote, we cannot just focus on abortion rights but must consider gender discrimination and the public sector which still does not adequately reflect women voices (but yay for the now 20 women senators voted into office! we're getting there!). When we talk about welfare programs, we have to think about the individual, social, and global causes of poverty and what role government and other social structures should play. When we talk about immigration, we have to move beyond the "legal versus illegal" categories.

Those are the conversations I want to be having. Those are the conversations I want to read about and engage with people who disagree and agree with my thoughts. And perhaps if our conversations were about justice and fairness in the political arena, more people would engage instead of labeling politics as "so above their head." Politics is about people -- and while I know it's complex and difficult to understand, our shared humanity should prompt all of us to engage in political conversations -- and hopefully elevate them to a higher level instead of the right versus left that plagues the newspaper pages.

I chose to study political science because I was fascinated by the dynamic of government, social insititutions, and individuals -- and how this can function together under God's sovereignty. I didn't choose to study politics because I love politicians or have the Constitution memorized. I chose to study politics because political systems have profound implications in all areas of life -- in a very, very complicated way :) I hope that more people will join that conversation with me -- more business-minded people who can talk about economic justice and business practices that are fair and right. I hope more social workers join the conversation and talk about poverty and how welfare programs can be supported by government effectively. I hope more teachers enter the conversation and voice their ideas about education funding, wages, and access to resources.

And I hope we're willing to listen -- really listen -- to what they have to say. It's easy for me to jump on someone whom I know I won't agree with (especially when it comes to an issue I'm particularly passionate about) and then I stop listening to their argument. But I hope that if we elevate the conversation to talk about the complexity of these issues -- and listen to each other tell the other about the complicated and messy problems they find themselves facing in their fields -- hopefully we can listen better and work towards comprehensive solutions. I definitely need help in this listening arena.

I'm hoping for those conversations to come sooner rather than later (And there are some AWESOME blogs out there that do host these conversations and I'm really, really grateful for them! Check these articles out to know what I'm talking about: "Establish Justice: Reflections on the 2012 Election" by Hilary Sherratt, "When Issues Don't Fit Into Labels" by Melissa Steffan, "Immigration Debated, Not Much Said" by Danielle Huntley, "Questions on Christians and Politics" by Stephanie Summers)

Thankful for Lilypads

Before I graduated from Gordon, I talked with a former professor about what I was hoping to do after graduation. I gave my typical spiel: "I'm not really sure..., thinking about x, y, and z,.... hoping to figure it out later...(ya da ya da)" and then I told him about this weird thought that I had that perfectly illustrated what I wanted as a college graduate: I wanted a lilly pad!

I think of myself as a little frog who needed a lily pad: a place to jump from. Don't we all do different jobs and activities and jump from one idea to another before we land in one general occupation/career path? (and then usually jump a few more times after that until we retire?). I had absolutely no idea where to start -- and some vague ideas about where I wanted to land someday as I thought about what to look for in an entry-level-post-college-job. The starting and in between was really, really fuzzy to me - and overwhelming to say the least. Somehow that whole "starting somewhere" translated in my head to being like a frog jumping from lily pad to lily pad -- so that's what I decided to hope for: a lily pad to start on as I graduated from college.

And I'm so, so, so thankful that I have that lily pad right now -- a job and a place to call home that is so much more than a jumping off point, but a place where I feel supported and know I can learn lots before I am ready to move to the next adventure. I know that this is a gift -- and very hard one to come by in these economic times. And I'm happy to be here, in this job, in this place, with these people, and to let this time prepare me for the next lily pad someday.