Now I was Sittin, Waitin, Wishin...(thank you Jack Johnson)

Thank you Hilary for inspiring this post. Read it here to see what I'm writing about :)

I'm waiting and wishing - that might be the best way to describe this season of life: waiting to know where I should apply for work, waiting for new friendships and community, waiting to catch a bigger glimpse of how God is going to use the puzzle pieces in my life.

And I find myself wishing too -- wishing that the waiting period would be just a tad bit shorter, wishing that I had faith like so and so or the relationship that person X has, wishing that I had a better idea of what I want to do with my life and could answer the question: where do you see yourself in 5 years? without so much hesitancy.

Last week my friend Hilary blogged about this kind of wishing -- and how we compare what we have been given (she calls it all "gifts"):

I think that all those young college graduates, young professionals, the promisers, the rooted and winged, all of us waste time wishing we could trade lives with each other like lunchboxes. We all wish for a different wild gift. We all wish we had the kind of hard but beautiful someone else is living.

This summer I read Lauren Winner's recent book Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis. I highly recommend it. Winner is an honest author and I think that's what I appreciate the most about her - there's no beating-around-the-bush with her and that's refreshing. Here's a particular quote I loved:

Maybe God has given some people belief like a pier, to stand on (and God has given those people's steadiness to the church, to me, as a reminder, as an aid), and maybe God has given others something else. Maybe God has given to some this humming sense that we know nothing, this belief and disbelief a hundred times an hour, this training in nimbleness (and maybe that is a gift to the church, too)" p. 15

My gift, my contribution to the church, to society, to my family and friend, is not the same gift that others bring. My gift is not a high level job. My gift is not a romantic relationship. My gift is not grad school. My gift is not DC or Boston or Baltimore.

But my gift is many good things: my gift is being home, my gift is being able to train for a half marathon, participating in a new church, writing letters to people I love and miss. My gift is the beach and making pumpkin butter and sweet potato bread.

I think Winner is right - God has given some people "belief like a pier to stand on" and others "something else." That "something else" isn't lesser and the belief isn't better - they are each a different gift.

I've been using Hilary's word "gift" throughout this post, and I think it's a good word to use. I don't mean to sound glib about hardship or discomfort or the sense of being overwhelmed. I think honesty is important and choosing thankfulness doesn't mean we cover up the tears. But I think the word gift helps me focus less on what others have that I don't, and more on what I have been uniquely given.

"Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure"

Psalm 16:5