I've been a part of an exciting conversation about community, church, love, hospitality, giving, and receiving. These conversations have stirred some thoughts that I wanted to explore a little bit more.
If I'm tracking with Nouwen, and our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving, then we also come to our fullest bloom by receiving this from others. We are a part of others' expression of humanity as we live in relationship and receive the blessing that they are. If we are only givers, then we are not engaging in others' expressing their humanity, who they are created to be.
I think we always want to be the givers -- and this is a very good thing. We are called to give, certainly - to give in ways that we are uniquely capable to do. We have talents and experiences that beckon us to serve and care for others. My point isn't to not give - my point is rather to see that if we believe giving is integral to the framework of our lives, then receiving others' gifts is equally important.
And I'm learning that receiving others' gifts is at times overwhelming and leads me to vulnerable places. Let me explain...
Perhaps the biggest example of receiving is in the arena of hospitality. And what better story to tell then Latin America - where hospitality was extended to me in every way possible. I was given a multitude of gifts, many in the form of food or housing or friendship. At times the accepting of these gifts was tiring and I wanted to lock myself in my room and just be myself reading a book or watching a movie. I was exhausted because this process of receiving was not at all passive, but active: I realized (and realize more now), how important my reception of their (my host families and other friends) gifts was and how it communicated love to them (at least I wanted to communicate love -- I know that was not always the case!). I also realized that receiving these gifts was at times uncomfortable: I ate food that I wasn't too excited about. I slept in the house of a family who had very little money and resources. A man whose country has been severely oppressed by my country washed my hands as part of a communion service in Cuba. These were the times where receiving the gifts felt uncomfortable because I knew I either didn't deserve it (hand washing, housing), or didn't want it (food I wasn't used to).
One of the hardest parts about saying goodbye in Latin America was that I couldn't find a way to give enough back. No amount of "gracias" or "a mi me gusta" was enough for what they gave to me. I received with hands that were not worthy or were uncomfortable. I received with eyes filled with tears because of anxiety and fear, I received with a complete inability to repay in any way close to the love extended to me. All those gifts flooded my heart and I didn't know what to do with it all...and at times now I see those gifts flooding me and I feel the same sort of panic ("what do I give in return?! how do I say thank you? Did I do enough to deserve this?!")
In Latin America, I wasn't a giver primarily, but a receiver. And I can't tell you the thousand lessons I learned (and continue to learn) from that. Yes, I believe that I did give in Latin America and I know my host family loved me and appreciated me and what I gave to their family. But it was so small in comparison to the gifts they gave to me.
I believe we have a false perception of giving and receiving - we see one as dominant and the other as passive, yet I am learning that both are equally important in shaping us and guiding the kind of love we want to express in relationships. I'm learning that receiving the gifts often puts me out of my comfort zone and forces me to recognize that their are parts of myself that are prideful and that I must let go. Receiving forces me to give up organization and control in order to see the beauty of living each day open to the gifts that are waiting. Receiving allows me to see another person expressing his/her humanity in the gifts he or she is uniquely able to give.
I'm learning more about what I have to give, too. The little things like a smile or post-it-note, or maybe speaking Spanish -- all are important gifts that must be given with open hands. These gifts express a part of who I am and I want people to receive them openly too, just as I receive their gifts.
Maybe life is more than just thinking about what our gifts are and how we can use them, but also about how we can be better receivers, and see the beauty in others as they express their gifts.
buy and proceed to cook the sugar to make a hot agua dulce drink. unfortunately they weren't actually operating the machinery, but i got to see the different tools they use to make this special concoction from sugar cane!