dear 2011: looking back as i look forward

a month or so ago i had a conversation with my friend hilary about having the courage to do the things we're often reluctant to do. i was telling her about a difficult situation i had just faced and she stopped me after i finished my thoughts and said "wait, stop. do you realize what you just did? do you realize what just happened here? you did something, alyssa, you faced something hard and you have to take a second to recognize that before moving on."

i think i live my life this way - moving from one thing to the next, two o'clock to three o'clock, monday to tuesday, october to november, never taking the opportunity to pause and think about what just happened, what good things i experienced, what hard things i was able to overcome or the footsteps i left in the dirt behind me.

so i'm doing that now. we think of new year's as the time to think about all that's going to happen in 2012, the things we're resolving to change, but what about 2011? what happened then? there's thousands of memories and special people and places and tears and laughter and heartache and joy that we don't want to forget that happened in 2011. so maybe i'm a little behind as it is already january 1st, but i'm not ready to let go of last year quite yet - first i want to remember it for what it was...

~~~

dear 2011,


i think i have a love-hate relationship with you because the journey has been a bit of a roller coaster. i started the year off in a different country, i spent a summer at home processing it, and then somehow managed to get on a plane to study once again at a place i have come to call home. 
i lived in costa rica, paid 250 colones for every bus ride, walked 45 minutes to spanish class every day, ate more meat in four months than i did all year, carried my little coin purse every place i went and memorized the music rhythms of car alarms. i held a new born baby and tried really hard to learn how to cut plátanos and how to teach math in a foreign language. i lived in nicaragua for 10 days and learned in the shortest period of time what "going with the flow" really means and how to live in a state of constant confusion. i learned about bus rides where "the eye of the tiger" is playing and women are selling bread and another man is preaching in his loudest voice about Jesus and another man is trying to sell medicine -- all within about a 100 foot bus. i went to cuba and laid on the beach and drank espresso and listened to politicians and educators and doctors. i laughed with my friends as we attempted to learn how to dance and move our hips. 


i came home and processed some of those questions with family and friends. i worked with senior citizens and spoke spanish at work which brought the biggest smiles to my face. i ate birthday cake with my grandparents and went to spinning classes and grocery shopped and vacationed in the mountains. i did finances with my dad and drank coffee with my mom and laughed until my stomach ached with my sisters. 


i came back to massachusetts and learned about the middle east and pan-arabism and the country of lebanon. i struggled for hours writing papers in political theory and was troubled by the words of philosophers who influenced the founding of my country. i talked about women and feminism in spanish and learned about the devastating civil war in spain. i learned about theology: about the trinitarian unity and the importance of community and relationships which we see in the essence of who God is. i learned about ecclesiology and eschatology and how it all comes back to the question of how i am choosing to live these lessons out in my life. i learned about being a TA and how to write better and help others write well. i learned from books, from professors, from speakers, from art, from friends, from family. 


it was a full year. i made a lot of new friends, had many good conversations, and learned a lot. it was a year i can't capture with words or pictures or sounds or smells. but i know i'm a different person because of 2011 and i know i'll be a different person at the end of 2012. i am gearing up for the journey - preparing myself for what i believe is going to be a good but challenging year as i transition from college and say goodbyes and welcome new people into my life.


i'm thankful for you, 2011. thankful for what you taught me, what you showed me, and the memories i have of you. i'm thankful for the footsteps i traveled with you and am praying that i don't forget where they took me. 


love, alyssa