reflections on exodus

"Therefore I say to the people of Israel: I am the Lord. I will free you from your oppression and will rescue you from your slavery in Egypt. I will redeem you with a powerful arm and great acts of judgment. I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. I will bring you into the land I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you as your very own possession. I am the Lord"

Exodus 6:6-8

Is this not the message of Christmas? I am in Israel: needing freedom from oppression, rescue from slavery, redemption from a powerful arm.

May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children,

and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts,

forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake

Amen

-Robert Louis Stevenson prayer excerpt

i need thee, oh i need thee, every hour i need thee

this evening i purused some of my favorite bloggers (i might do this a little too often?) and was struck and encouraged by their thoughts on the first day of advent. unfortunately the santa barbara, san francisco, and boston logan airports were the most sacred grounds i stepped on today so i didn't get to hear about advent from the pulpit...but their reflections were powerful.

i haven't always been a big fan of liturgy, but these prayers were deep and at the same time simple and resonated with me:

Almighty God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which the Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility...

-Book of Common Prayer of the Anglican Tradition 1979 edition

i really need Christ's help to "cast away the works of darkness and put upon the armor of light." i need a savior.

Lord, just as your love knows no bounds and finds endless ways to reveal itself, so help us to express a gratitude too deep for words. Help us to reveal our thanksgiving in the countless ways there are to love others, to provide for those in need, to serve where service is rare. Amen.

-Book of Common Prayer (prayer for others)

i really need Christ's help to "express gratitude too deep for words" (do i even have gratitude too deep for words??) i need a savior.

perhaps my favorite part about the daily book of common prayer (here online!!) is the concluding lines at the end of each prayer - they go like this:

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you: wherever he may send you;

May he guide you through the wilderness: protect you through the storm;

May he bring you home rejoicing: at the wonders he has shown you;

May he bring you home rejoicing: once again into our doors.

maybe i am taking this a part too much, but it says "may he bring you home rejoicing" twice. and if i was in my AP lit class, when you see repetition, that has to mean something: and i think that it really does here: REJOICE. REJOICE in what God has done, rejoice in what he has taught, rejoice in how he has shown his faithfulness, goodness, love, care & provision. regardless of the circumstances, REJOICE!

i want to rejoice

i want to "cast away the works of darkness and put upon the armor of light"

i want to "express gratitude too deep for words"

i want to "reveal thanksgiving in the countless ways there are to love others, to provide for those in need, to serve where service is rare."

but i can't do any of that. i need help. a lot of help.

right now it is november 29th and i am grateful to be in the advent season with an awareness (however not nearly great enough) that i need a savior. desperately and completely. i need a savior to save me from myself, my selfishness, my sin, my disappointment, my failure. i hope that this advent season i learn more about my need for Jesus, but that i would REJOICE in his abundance, and not wollow in sorrow over sin, but REJOICE in the truth that he has come and he is coming again.

that is reason for celebration!

a lovely saturday evening

My Saturday afternoon was different than usual, but quite delightful just the same. Julia and Dana came over and cooked with me and after enjoying some delicious potatoes and garlic from the Boston Farmer’s Market (and hors d’oeuvres of avocado-turned-guacamole and sliced mango – did summer return??), we watched the movie “What Women Want” on TNT and ate some of Dana’s delicious crescent roll turned cookie creations.

They left around 10 and I had the apartment to myself. The funny thing was I didn’t really know what to do with myself: I wasn’t ready for bed, I wasn’t really in the mood to just watch TV, and I really didn’t have homework that needed to get done until the next day – and my apartment was all out for the night. So, with the TNT beginning a new film (“The Holiday”), I created a little craft station for myself and made two little paper Christmas trees (with ornaments of course). After that was done, I realized how much I love “The Holiday” and propped up pillows and my big pink, fluffy down comforter and got cozy on the couch to watch this movie.

Some of the reasons as to why I love this film:

--Jude Law is in it: he is incredibly attractive. He has a British accent. He “weeps.” Need I say more?

--Iris (Kate Winslet) befriends this adorable old man right next door and watching them interacting and getting to know each other just makes me so happy

--I love the scene when Iris finally says no to Jasper, the jerk whom she can’t fall out of love with no matter how awful he treats her

--the music: beautiful and peaceful

--gets me into the Christmas spirit

I watched this movie all cozied up and was just SO HAPPY. I know that there are many more exciting things I could have been doing on a Saturday night, but I had a delightful night with just myself…it was so weird to actually feel bored and then to snuggle up on the couch (I LOVE living in an apartment!!) and watch a good movie and then go to bed around 1 am.

I love adventure and doing fun and crazy things, but I also love nights in the house, watching movies, doing crafts, baking, etc. and I’m learning that I don’t need to be “productive” every second of my life. It’s okay to be lazy sometimes, to eat brownies and chocolate chip cookies without going to the gym, to decide to procrastinate a little on my homework so that I can spend some quality time with friends, and to not set my alarm clock. I think that it’s good for me to not always maximize every second of my time because it shows that the world doesn’t revolve around me and how well I do things – because no matter how much I get done, it is never sufficient and always fails in comparison to the glory of Christ. If I focus too much on how much I’m getting done, I may forget WHO I’m getting it done for: myself or for the kingdom of God.

I am thankful for spare time: empty time: time that doesn’t need to get filled. Because empty time is often just as important as “productive time.”

off to hogwarts!

how could a book go wrong with names like bellatrix lestrange, rita skeeter, luna lovegood, hagrid, mad-eyed-moody, and an owl named hedwig?

the answer is simply that it can't

me (preppy hogwarts student) with my own rita skeeter

snitch (marieke), harry (matt), and rita

marieke and i preparing for the adventure

rita + the peacock quill = brilliant

i was never one of those die-hard harry potter fans, but i loved (and still love these books). i read the first three, took a short hiatus because they were getting a little dark, and then hopped back on and read the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh pretty quickly. there's something about a story like harry potter - it's one of those stories where you say you're going to read one more chapter and it turns into 5 chapters. kelsey is the biggest HP fan in our family - and she has re-read most of the books at least once. (she helped re-cap me on some of the important events of the 7th book).

i love those books that take you through so many different places and when they reach the climax you're in this completely different emotional state and it's so hard to see that last blank page.

i've never been a big fan of the movies because i loved the books so much, but i did enjoy part 1 last night (although it is really just setting everything up for part 2 come july 2011!). watching the movie made me remember how much i love these books...and how magical they really are.

so, thank you jk rowling for creating this story. you are brilliant

HOME

i just can't wait to see these faces in ONE. WEEK!!

it's been about 3 months since i have seen them last, which feels like forever ago...but on the other hand i really can't believe that this semester is almost over and i will be moving out in a few weeks (yikes!)

homesickness has come and gone in different ways for me during college...my first semester of freshman year was interesting because i wasn't really homesick until the very end of the semester. i think i was so absorbed with the "newness" of living on the east coast, exploring the area, and seeing how different everything looked. second semester was definitely harder (the winter gloom certainly did take its toll on me), but it was helpful to come home for spring break and make the semester seem a little shorter.

this semester i have felt homesick more so than last fall since last year my family came out for homecoming weekend. while it is difficult to be so far away from my family, it is so much more exciting to come home when you have been gone for longer periods of time. i am really looking forward to thanksgiving this year and have so much to be thankful for. i am excited to see some of my extended family, to cook and bake with my mom and libby (maybe kelsey will enter the kitchen if we entice her in some way ;)), chat with my Dad, and see kelsey's new college home.

my friend, hilary, who is studying abroad in DC this semester, wrote something really beautiful in her blog recently (well, actually all of her blog posts are great because she can express things so well!) about travel and home that i absolutely loved. she asks

"why do we travel? it complicates everything...maybe we travel to know what we love in the place we left behind us. maybe we travel because God has made a big wide world and wants us to enjoy it. maybe we travel because it helps us find echoes of ourselves in unexpected places. i hope that i continue to travel for all these reasons, but most importantly i hope i continue to travel to change the meaning of home."

i love how she says "echoes of ourselves in unexpected places" because i have experienced this living in massachusetts. i've found a new "home" in wenham: when i fly into logan airport i am excited to drive along the highway and see the exit signs for "Gloucester" and "Peabody" that have become so familiar to me. i feel at home when i am in the presence of my friends and i feel at home when i am studying in jenks, sitting in chaps or running to west beach. home for me is starting to mean different places and people, and i am grateful to know that God is with me in the midst of that transience, moving, discerning, discovering, and learning...because as fun and exciting as traveling and new things are, there is always a part of me that is homesick and longing for regularity and familiarity. exploring is exciting, but the leaving is always bittersweet.

so, i am excited to be going home. to be with my family and friends who have known me for most of my life and to eat turkey and stuffing around the table laughing and sharing stories. but i'm grateful that as i travel and experience new things, i don't do it alone. God is always faithful to lead me to people and fellowship that helps me to transition and grow, and to show me how much i need him, no matter where my home is.

i want to fall in love

..and no i don't mean having the BF (although i am not opposed to that), but rather falling in love with...

Latin America ..eating beans and rice, going to a catholic church maybe?, learning about US foreign policy in this region, some of the socio-economic issues and hardships, the joys of living in such a beautiful place

Spanish ..speaking, writing, maybe dreaming?? in spanish. one of my favorite parts about being in guatemala was speaking spanish and being able to have conversations with others in a different language. i can't wait for that!

a new country ..i hope to learn about the fun restaurants, parks, beaches, that are a part of this special place. i hope it starts to feel a little like home when i'm there, where i feel like i know my new "neighborhood" and who the people are who live next door

a new family ..learn new recipes, talk in spanish about their lives, learn from how they live and do daily activities, live life in a new way

new friends ..classes, discussions, travel with new people i hope to learn so much from and hope to continue to keep in touch with after the program.

a completely different life for 4 months. and i want to fall in love with it all. to learn, to laugh, to appreciate, to see, taste, touch, enjoy, question, struggle, hope, and come away with new perspectives and thoughts. i don't want to under-estimate the challenges of living in a different country away from my family and friends and familiarity, i know that i should expect and be prepared for those trials to come. but i am excited to experience life in a completely new place and let it become my home. i want to take advantage of all of the different opportunities there and to learn and grow.

i am SO. EXCITED!

count your blessings

why should i be surprised by God's goodness and grace to me? he promises his abundance and i should expect and trust that he will provide - from the smallest details to my biggest concerns and worries.

last week was mental health week and i helped organize a chapel service talking about suffering and God's faithfulness and presence amidst those difficult circumstances. with the help of some knowledgeable people, i was able to receive submissions from students and their stories/poetry/song lyrics were read at evening chapel by other students. putting this service together was fairly last minute and i didn't know exactly what was going to be read until the sunday or monday before the service (which was wednesday). i certainly do not enjoy doing things last minute, but God was faithful and the pieces read were moving to me - and i know others were touched as well.

i was worried about timing (we were alloted a certain amount of time and i didn't want to go over/under it), and it was perfectly within the time frame.

i was worried about the readers coming and how the readings would flow from one to another and everyone came in perfect timing and the microphone was passed smoothly.

i was concerned about how this service would fit with the overall theme of "mental health week" and didn't want it to seem like it was focusing on mental health concerns, but rather suffering in general -- and i think & hope that students were able to hear these stories/thoughts, be encouraged, and realize that mental health issues are an example of pain, but that there is so much more to discuss in terms of suffering and faith.

there were some other events throughout the week - a showing of "A Beautiful Mind," a speaker in chapel on Monday, Q&A with a counselor and Psych professor, and it seemed like these activities were well-attended and hopefully beneficial :) I was also greatly helped by the chapel office secretary in formating a Q&A pamphlet with the counseling center. all in all, i was encouraged by God's faithfulness and provisions and know that he answered my prayers, specifically with the evening chapel service and listening to my requests for a smooth and glorifying service.

And more blessings...last night we had a meeting with the peer mentors on campus. there were five mentors who could come and we talked in the student ministries lounge over M&M's (my absolute favorite!) and pumpkin bars (new recipe--thanks mom!) about their experiences mentoring. while not everyone has the easiest experience, there were a few who talked about how well things are going and how much they enjoy meeting with their mentee. the matching process is the part of my job (as an intern) that i like the least because it is stressful and hard to know "who would be good with who." but when i hear about really good conversations and fellowship, see mentors & mentees meeting in lane over breakfast or coffee, i get really excited! i know that God was and is in COMPLETE control of the matching process - there is no doubt in my mind. in the midst of matching i feel uncertain, but am now so certain of God's wisdom in facilitating mentoring relationships through us.

why does he use us? i don't understand, but i am excited to be a part of his work and stand back amazed at his gifts of blessing and faithfulness.

"trust in the Lord with all of your heart. do not depend on your own understanding. seek his will in all of you do, and he will show you which path to take" -Proverbs 3:5-6